Two down, two to go!

The Ethics final is also over!

I'm not sure how well I did on it, but I'd expect hopefully at least a B, with the possibility of an A, if he buys my BS. I also got my paper back from him, marked: B+/B. When I asked him what that meant, he replied: "I couldn't decide which it was so I gave you both grades." So pretty much, I have no idea what I got on my paper.

I love Dr. Harold's tests though. For the mid-term and final he brings his coffee-pot and makes the entire class cups of coffee. They're really good too. So by that point in his tests I'm was running on two cups of coffee (and I don't drink /that/ much caffine) and it was really sweet. By the time I started the second essay, I hit the sweet spot. The whole world seemed great and everything was coo and I was so focused. I started to deviate from the course material to answer the question and just started making stuff up. Y'know, philosophizing. So yeah, it depends on how well he likes that whole thing. I was proud of it though. Man, I love caffine. That's why I don't drink much of it: so that when I do, I really buzz.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the dirty secret of Luke Hansen, Closet Dopefiend.

Another one bites the dust!

One final down, three to go!

I would describe the experience like this: it was as if I combined with 45-minutes-to-an-hour of studying to form a giant robot who proceeded to kick that test right in the teeth!

PD-W won't know what hit her. She'll be all: OH GOSH WHERE DID THIS CHILD LEARN SUCH CORRECT DOGMATIC FORMULATIONS

Also: maybe I should finally start studying for my Ethics final. It is starting in one hour. Let's make our magic, Mr. Study-Time! Giant Robot, GO!

A Brief Material Update

I cut hair last night.

Dan Taibi was standing in the hallway and he was like "Hey Luke, do you know how to cut hair? I have some clippers." and I said, "Well, I've /had/ my hair cut plenty of times, it can't be that hard." So I cut his hair in the bathroom. It looks pretty alright, if I do say so myself! Layering and all!

So I guess I'm a barber or something now.

A Second Entry (One More Step Towards Continuity)

Well, here is a second entry. This is a good sign towards possible continuity, though (admittedly) I am more making myself write this one than it flowing from any real angst. I think that most people who know me would admit that I'm not all /that/ angsty of a person. I did consider getting a "deadjournal" (if that site hasn't gone the way of "coolmail") purely for the "irony" style points, but I figured I'm not /that/ indie-rock.

I was talking the other night with Dan "Doodles" Taibi and Jake Crider as we smoked (pipes for them, a Cuban for me). We were talking about transcendence, its role in the Church and where the Western church in particular has lost some of it. Now, one of the Church's main functions is to be the sacrament of salvation to the world. Now, the word "sacrament" itself implies/requires transcendence. The material aspect of a sacrament must transcend its own reality to point to a spiritual reality that is taking place. However, the concept of salvation that this idea is referencing /needs/ transcendence to make sense. The salvation that the Church is meant to provide to the world cannot be a merely material salvation, such as salvation from oppressive government or even hunger. It is true that Christ himself said that we will be judged on what we do for "the least" of humanity, but a starving man who has been fed with bread that perishes but has not received the grace of salvation is still going to Hell. The very act of feeding the poor must be sacramental for the Church. It must contain not only physical bread but the super-substantial bread that is the person of Christ. Any political action that the Church takes against an oppressive government must not merely be a freeing of the body but also a freeing of the soul. It must be both a very real liberation from a physical oppression and the sweet freedom of Christ's yoke.

In the current focus of the Church, or at least of members of it, there can seem to be a focus on the physical. The Church must indeed feed poor Lazarus if it is able, but it is even more important that it teaches him to hope in Heaven when there is no food. There seems to be a certain assumption that if the mouth is fed, the soul will find Christ in that action. In fact, while perhaps a starving man may not have the presence of mind to receive the gospel, I find it difficult to believe that a man who has been fed merely with perishable bread will not simply set about seeking more dust and ashes to eat, rather than seeking the excellent bread of the Good News.

That issue aside, I think that the Church has lost a great deal of transcendence in its architecture and liturgy. Now, by "transcendence in the liturgy", do I mean "I can't understand it because it’s in Latin"? Certainly not. What I mean is a unity in the physical church building, the words said at the Mass and the spiritual reality taking place. It used to be that the towers of Churches would reach up to the heavens, signifying the yearning of God's people for His Kingdom. It used to be that statues and mosaics of the saints filled the Church, reminding us of the presence of the Church Triumphant, celebrating that eternal banquet with us. It used to be that vaults drew our eyes naturally upward to the glory of stained-glass windows, celebrating the light of God's grace shining into His Church.

Now we have the Mass in auditoriums and wonder where the sense of mystery has gone, and why so many teens are just plain bored in Mass. It would be better to say the Mass outside! Gods own creation will draw our attention to Him far better than works of Man that don't even /try/! The Church needs to start treating its buildings like the houses of God again, not because they are His exclusive (or even primary) dwelling on Earth, but rather because it draws our attention to God and to His Glory.

Anyways, now it is far too late for me to think coherently anymore, so I will end before I ramble. I may have more to say on this or similar topics at a later date, however. I hope that the above is not too uninformed or simplistic, I don't pretend to be in IAGryniewicz's league.

Hesychia.

The Auspicious First Entry

I suppose I should explain myself. I did, I confess, swear many oaths never to get a Livejournal. However, in the interest of an experiment, I signed up for one here. I mean to make it not so much a daily account of my activities as a kind of free-form journal, just to get my thoughts out in writing. I haven't done much creative writing recently, so maybe this is the sort of outlet that will help get the juices flowing again. I'm not sure.

Where am I supposed to be in life right now? What am I supposed to be doing? I am so young, the world is full of excitement and possibilities. I could buy a ticket to Europe and fly there tomorrow. I could probably even buy two tickets! We are both so young.

So what business do I have doing what I am doing? What business do I have living how I am living? The fact is, no matter how young and free I may be, we may be, I am in school. That means responsibilities and that means commitment. To work, commitment to learning.After I graduate from this school, I will move on to graduate school. I'll need to have at least a Masters to support any kind of family, and I would love to support our family. But that means five years. Five years until I can consider marriage. So we return to my point: what business do I have doing what I am doing now? How can I be entering into a relationship -- heck, I "entered into" this relationship long ago, I mean continue this relationship -- when it is going in such a serious direction and when I am so unprepared to get serious right now? It is not that I have issues with commitment, not at all. I am just not free to commit myself right now, and won't be for another few years. It is not that I do not love you, I do. Maybe that is the problem.

When I talk about youth and possibilities, I am talking about you and me. When I talk about freedom, I am talking about the freedom that I do not have right now. So why does it seem like we are starting to pretend that I do? Why does it seem like we are starting to pretend that graduation -- itself still 2.5 years away -- does not only bring two years spent apart?

It's not that I'm not willing to wait. I've waited a while already and if I was going to leave you, I promise, I would have done it long ago. Still, I keep hearing my parents' advice: that these relationships are so high-intensity and are so hard to keep up for long periods of time. And then I start to wonder if we aren't getting too high-intensity far too soon. Do we need to spend time together every night? I know you enjoy it, and you know that I do too. But it only makes you resent your schoolwork more. Every time I hear you say that you just want to stop doing this whole school thing, I hear "run away with me". I feel you wanting that freedom, the same freedom that I want. But it is illusory. We can run, baby, but in the end we're all just Jonah.

So what do I say? Do I ask that we spend more time apart, become not quite so emotionally involved? Can you do that without breaking a girl's heart? Or even if I could, and you agreed, would that be enough? I guess we'd see. I know I'd far rather lose you on the docks of life -- as you board the ship to your own private Nineveh, and I go off to mine -- than lose you in the belly of that whale that would surely come.

I'm not sure what I should do, other than continue as usual. It wouldn't be the first time that I've wigged out without need. Sometimes all you can do is live in uncertainty, because God sure doesn't give you His plans in advance. And maybe that's why I have this journal now, because it is uncertain. Will I ever write in it again?

Like so many things in life right now: I'm not sure.