"We've got a dreamer, she's going up in flames. Fire it now and sort it out."

So the other day, I was watching a bunch of movie trailers on apple.com, like I often do. I was actually pretty surprised by how many films there were that had a gay character, not just as the old "wacky friend" motif but as the star character, and even the entire basis for the story. I think that our culture is currently going through its struggle to discover what it thinks about the whole thing, and we're seeing that enacted in our media. While there are semi-serious films dealing with homosexuality, most of the movies that currently feature gay characters/premises are comedies. Now, most comedic premises are pretty edgy. They have been ever since the Romans. We take things that we are unsure of, afraid of or angered by and we see if there's another side to it: if we can laugh at it. I think that's what society's doing now, and I think we are all pretty sure which way things are going to go in the end, because that's how they've been going since the 60's.

I believe in the power of God's grace. That's a basic premise of my life, although it's also something that I have to remind myself of daily. I believe in the power of God's mercy to save what look like hopeless situations, and I believe that His love is so great that He desires to save us. At the same time, watching those trailers and realizing just how young our culture is becoming desensitized makes me very nervous about the idea of raising children.

I think that perhaps it's worth noting here that I don't wholeheartedly condemn the concept behind the buzzword "desensitized". I think that a shocked or naive reaction in many situations is not ideal, morally or practically. However, the age at which kids are now getting exposed to things leads not so much to desensitization as such but more to indoctrination. I guess it just seems like it would be so hard sometimes to have a group of little, naive souls that you're trying to lead to mercy and grace in a world as unforgiving and despairing as this one. I guess God will give me the grace to do that when the time arrives, and I think that patience, or perhaps more appropriately "long-suffering", is the most vital virtue to parenthood. It just strikes me sometimes what a big vocation this is...

Hesychia,-
L

P.S. I downloaded a PlayStation emulator today, and spent most of the day downloading Genso Suikoden I in parts... I have yet to see if it works but, if it does: nostalgia, here we come!

"Everybody look inside their hands, and everybody tell me what they feel."

Sometimes I think that I live in a very different, much simpler world than everyone else. At least the weather's nicer here...

I feel very accomplished today. I got up this morning at 9AM, took a shower, went to the Financial Aid desk, paid off my housing deposit, went to the housing fair /and/ mailed out my taxes! What a way to start the day, and all that before lunch! I have some thoughts I could write about, but I might leave that to later today. For now, I've gotten questions as to why I haven't updated all week, so here's a week's worth of Material Update, focusing on my awesome weekend:

So I spent all last week in three stages: sick, recovering from sickness and healthy but tired from being sick. This is why there were no updates all week. I spent all of Monday night throwing up, then most of Tuesday sleeping, aching and fevering. Wednesday and Thursday I dragged myself to class and got to bed early. Then this weekend, which I knew ahead of time would be busy, arrived.

So this weekend two close friends visited at the same time. Two close friends from two completely different social circles. One was a graduated household brother: Andrew Gill, and the other was my longtime comrade: Aaron Harburg. The weekend actually ended up being a good time with both of them, and I didn't really feel like either one was ignored. I saw Andrew Friday night at Household Mass and talked a bit beforehand. Then the "Ann Arbor Eight" (it's been quite a while since there were eight of us on the same campus) + friends watched Devdas, which all of the guys at least agreed was a very good, deep movie. The girls haven't really expressed an opinion aside from it being one of the most depressing movies ever.

On Saturday I lead my first Lord's Day as Coordinator. It was weird because I've been saying the response part for about two years now and can practically do it from memory. I also practically know the Coordinator's part by heart, but it was really weird to be /saying/ it, so I messed up once or twice. It went pretty smoothly though, and no one got hurt. After that, CTL had a formal dinner with our sister household, SOL. They spent all day cooking it (some of us helped where we could) and it was delicious. It was angel-hair pasta with heavenly meatballs and wonderful garlic bread. I may not be at all Italian, but they have some good food! After that, I just felt like goofing off (rather than starting on my Honors paper), so I challenged Don Thomasino to a game of Halo (he could play, since he starts his Sabbaths on Saturday evening). Odin came along, and we ended up playing Star Wars Battlefront co-op for three hours! That was fun, just sitting around, shooting the breeze as well as Rebel Scum. The Empire pwned that night, and afterward we sat around talking a bit more. JP Nunez came over from Francois and Thomasino and he and I did a few rounds of Halo. I actually held my own in one of the games, which was nice! After JP went home, Thomas and Michael Miller and I stayed around (well, it was Mueller's room) for at least an hour more just talking. Subjects covered over the course of the five hours I spent in that room ranged from music to relationships to girls themselves, and there were many lines that we swore never to quote in any context. All in all, it was a blast and I got to bed about 2 hours later than I had intended, without having started my paper!

Sunday morning I woke up kind of early because Mass was at 10AM instead of 11. Afterwards, Aaron and I went off-campus to Amy Brockman's house. She made us scrambled eggs with cheese and spinach in it, which tasted sehr gut. We spent the brunch and about an hour or two afterwards talking about relationships. Not like, /romantic/ relationships (for once) because all three of us are single, but more along the lines of friendship. The major focus of conversation was how the relationship of Superior, Support Group and Person That You're Ministering To changes the friendship. I mainly took a silent role, and was content to listen to them talk. We also covered some practical catechetical issues and while we didn't solve /all/ of the world's problems, well... we didn't have any pipes or cigars either. When I got back to the dorm, I stopped by Thomasino's room and got roped into a round of Halo while he took a break. I ended up playing Will Marks and some girl I don't know. They were both decent beginners, but I still pwned them. It's nice for me to do that sometimes because I generally only play really good Halo players, so I sometimes forget that not everyone can kick my butt. I guess I'm just on the Accelerated Learning track. :)

I finally started my paper Sunday Night before Men's Group. I spent about an hour distractedly researching while listening to excellent music. I currently have 3 pages of quotations, and that's only with not even 2 of the 6 books I need to use for this paper. Once again: I am stuck with way more information than I need. But that's better than the alternative and, it looks like it'll get done! At 9:30PM, JoeG stopped by my room on his way to Men's Group, which is good because I had totally forgotten about it. Men's Group actually got done pretty quickly (done by midnight like usual, but we started at 10 rather than 9) and I was in bed by 1:30AM. And that's all she wrote!

A Material Update

75% of my Wing and I all have the flu. I'm doing alright and it should be gone in around 24 hours. Until then, prayers for all involved are appreciated. Some people are having it a lot worse than me (so far). On the bright side, I barely notice my cold anymore. There's nothing like vomiting to clear out your sinues. That and Indian cuisine.

Speaking of infectious illnesses that destroy the lives of many, I joined Facebook. I have been pretty vocally against my friends' Facebook addiction, and I figured that at this point the strongest statement that I can make at this point is not to not join, but to join and /not/ get addicted. Or something. I read articles on Dadaism on Wikipedia this morning and felt like making an absurdist action/statement. ;)
I wrote half an entry today, which I might finish tomorrow when confined to the dorm.

Hesychia,
-L

A Material Update

Sometimes it is hard to sit down and write here because one the one hand I have material updates w/re: what is going on in my life, and on the other hand I have longwinded "thoughts of the day" that could drag on for a while. I feel compelled to keep the two pretty separate because I'm sure that some people read this blog mostly for the former, more practical news, and I would hate for them to be overwhelmed by the vast marshland that is my mind (nice mental image), thus missing out on details such as the election of a new CTL coordinator. So here is a purely practical update.

Yeah, so maybe you've already heard, maybe not. A surprising number of people seem to know. We had the CTL coordinator elections last night. It was between Josh Houde and myself, and I won. I am convinced that it was a very close election, however. I mean, Houde read his "vision statement" for household before I did, and I was pretty intimidated. I mean, I can't honestly stand up and say, "I would definitely make a better coordinator than Josh Houde." It's just not true. It is also the case, however, that I have felt called to fulfill this role in household next year. So I am at peace with the way things worked out, and pretty excited for next year. I don't assume actual coordinator-ship for a few more weeks, when Matt MacDonald passes on "The Shaft", and even then he will be there to help my transition.The great thing is, as several brothers noted during the Q&A section, about 75% of Houde and my vision statements were the same. The rest of it was personal style and practical plans for implementation but, as Houde said, "It's the same Holy Ghost's vision." I chose Houde as my Ass-Co (Assistant Coordinator) for next year, and I think that'll be great. He has a lot of enthusiasm and strengths that perfectly complement some of my weaknesses. Like Rico said, "It's like you two are each half of the perfect coordinator!" So, yeah. My hope is that he will be a strong Ass-Co and still bring as much of his take on the vision to household as possible. Like I said in my vision statement, I think that next year, as a predominantly young household, we're going to have a lot of enthusiasm. As coordinator, I plan to do everything possible to nurture, channel and facilitate that enthusiasm and creativity into great things for CTL. It's going to be awesome. A large part of the practical side of my vision was to get as many brothers on Orientation Team as possible, and already two of them have said they'll do it. The more the better!

And now I have to write my talk on Our Lady of Sorrows for retreat. We leave in two and a half hours. :)

Hesychia,-L

P.S. I guess my "nothing but the facts ma'am" updates can get pretty lengthy too...
P.P.S. I ought also to mention that my loving mother sent me what looks to be a treasure chest full of wonderful chocolate chip cookies! I will hide them safely in my room for the weekend, and be sure to bring them to Men's Group. Num-Num!

Move over, Satan, I'm a God-blessed sinner!

So. My brother, Ross Acheson, wrote a post about going (or rather, about not going) to Ghana. I always love talking to Ross, and reading his "LJ" is as close as I get most of the time when I'm at school. Ross has a real passion for simplicity and great insight into the beauty and humility of Christian life. He said something in his post that has been on my mind as well. I started to write a comment but, as is my style, I found that it was getting too long. Since I've started this "LJ" I've begun noticing how verbose I am when I type. Anyways, back to Ross. In this post, he says that: "Now that I've been in the habit of thinking about the possibility of living abroad, and now that going abroad is no longer a near possibility, I realize that I am beginning to tire of life in America-- complacency, prosperity, satisfaction of outward desires, and television." I agree with you about America, Ross. At the very least, I tire of the materialism, if not the country itself. It seems so attractive to just go somewhere else and live a simple life, especially at a Franciscan school. Especially during Lent, when one gets to immerse oneself in self-denial and giving up extraneous pleasures to better focus on Christ. I grow tired of living in a culture that exists simply to stay sated and disdains any concept of suffering for the sake of something better. The other day, however, the "quote board" in our dorm said "A man who cannot be holy where he is cannot be holy anywhere." I forget who said it, but it struck me as true. If we find ourselves struggling to keep our focus on God amidst all the noise, often we ask God (or at least wish) to put us in a place where it would be easier to remain focused solely on His glory. These are the times when I find myself wishing I was called to life in a monastery. I hear Joe G. talking about the SSJC (Society of St. John Cantius) and how peaceful his soul feels when he's there. And it's possible that he is called to be there. Many are called to live a life dedicated to the Lord in that way: living a simple life in obedience. The graces in that kind of life seem overwhelming to me, the humility and sacrifice that are the cornerstone of our faith. But I am pretty darn sure that I'm called to the married life. Now, I know that there are many graces found it that life as well, and that it is possible to live a simple married life in a materialistic society. I firmly intend to do so. My point, I guess is that often our response to trials is "God, get me out of here" rather than "God, give me the grace to live here". It strikes me that, rather than praying for a life where I need as little grace as possible to remain holy, I ought to pray for the flood of grace necessary to remain unstained in a sinful world. And that's what I want. I don't want the easy bubble life where my faith is never challenged. I want a life so flooded with grace that even the darkest powers flee. Ross concludes his thought by saying: "I wonder if it's not time to settle into life here and learn how to be holy where I am now and where I likely will be for much of my life." That is the very same calling that I've been feeling. It is God's calling not to push our cup away but rather to drink deeply of the Blood of Christ. Peace and love, Ross. You're in my prayers, bro. -L P.S. At the job-fair yesterday, pretty much everyone was there to recruit theology majors, nursing students or education majors. The only people there for psychologists were the Army. Y'know, back when I was going to be a priest, I was going to be a chaplain in the military and serve the soldiers. Perhaps God is calling me to take another look at that plan, as a psychologist in the military? I don't know that I'd choose the /Army/ over, say, the Air Force or something but... It's on my mind and in my prayers. And I took their folder.

Poop-news, Good-news and My Sunday Afternoon

So, today I get to my Adjustment class, see the other kids with their workbooks and I'm like, "Crap." I totally forgot to do it. I asked and he was unrelenting on the whole "no late work" policy so... I think the /most/ I can get in that class now is an 88%. So there goes my hopes for all A's. The really sucky thing is that, if I had remembered, that assignment would have taken me 30min to do, tops.

On a brighter note, Eric Dumas (the RD of Trinity) asked me the other day to stop by his room sometime to talk. After a few tries, I caught him there this evening. He pretty much said that he just wanted me to know that cutting me off the RA-staff was a tough decision and that I did make it to the top few. He said that it wasn't so much indicative of me not being a good candidate as it was a matter of having way /too/ many good choices this year. So he encouraged me to apply again next year, which I'm probably going to do. I think this just underscores the idea that God probably wants me to be coordinator next year instead. The elections are this Thursday (we got a rush-deadline imposed from above), and I still have to write a "vision statement" for household so... prayers for me and for household's discernment are appreciated.

Other good news is that CTL's Meditation tonight was awesome. It was Chrissy P's turn and he did an awesome job. It was on brotherhood and some practical strategies for maintaining it, especially with regards to reconciling differences/offences. It certainly hit home to several things household needs this and next year. I'm going to miss that crazy Canadian next year... but at least he'll be back my Senior year. So I spent most of yesterday (Sunday) listening to/ripping music. I gave up listening to music for Lent (the second year in a row) as my main sacrifice, and so far it has been easier than it was last year. Those who know me know that I listen to a /lot/ of music, so giving it up is, well... not a /challenge/ because I have no trouble doing it once I've decided to. It's definitely big part of my daily life to give up though. So I take full advantage of my Sundays to catch up on new bands I've discovered as well as songs that I've been wanting to listen to all week.

In this case, my week was a rather nostalgic one, so I spent the whole day ripping all of the old third-wave Ska CDs that I owned in 8th/9th grade but lost. Luckily Joe G. still has all of them in his collection. I spent most of the day rediscovering the joys that the OC Supertones and Insyderz brought to my life, and now that I have them on my computer, I hope to re-add "ska-kid" to my already voluminous musical self-description (future-pop/EBM-listening metalcore post-rocker emo-kid with indie sensibilities, for those keeping score at home). On a funny note, the other night Pinne (Christopher Pinnegar) had a NET-candidate staying in his room. We got to talking about music (because he had longish hair) and he asked me what I listened to. I told him some basic genres that I frequent and after I was done he kind of had a blank look on his face and said, "Dude, I'm not even sure what most of that is." He listens to Reliant K (who, I will reiterate once again, it is perfectly okay for girls to like). The three of us ended up having a good-yet-short music conversation despite that, and the fact that he was an emo-hater. This probably shook up poor Pinne more than it did me, seeing as he has no other pretensious, hyphenated sub/cross-genres to keep him warm if his emo fails to impress.

I actually have been thinking about music a bit recently, as going cold-turkey makes one do... but that is a post for another time. For now, good luck and good night.

Oops, I guess...

I really didn't mean to post anything today... I really don't want to put up my superlong ramblings /every/ single day. I figure I already pretty much lost my readership over Spring Break but... well, I guess this "LJ" was always more for me to write than you to read so gosh darn it, I'll write.

Writing is not something I've been doing a whole lot of recently. I haven't updated my website since mid-Summer (I should...). I have only written /one/ poem post-breakup (though, to be honest, it hasn't been super traumatic), and the last time I wrote before then was a few short ditties over Christmas break. Honestly, it's a little weird. I've always (well, since old-times) thought of myself as a writer, and here I haven't written much recently. From Girl 1 in early 2004 through Girl 3 in early 2006, I have written a poem or three about pretty much everything I've felt during that time, be it spiritual, emotional or physical. Last year I did at least a semester of two-per-week. It was always a form of validation, I guess. I write about it: there it is, encapsulated perfectly (or amateurishly) in 14 lines that I can reread years later and say, "Yeah, I felt/thought exactly that way."

But I haven't been writing recently, or at least not poetry. Instead of having this urge to compress the (so-called) "Human Experience" into 70 iambs, I have been compulsively writing long-winded entries on an "LJ". And I've been pleased with how some of them turn out. So maybe this is a new turn in the road? I sort-of miss "Writer's Group" sometimes. Those were good times, if nothing else. At least looking back they were good, and I don't really talk about writing with anyone these days.

So I guess this post boils down to:
a) I have been feeling, and validating feelings, without the help of metre or rhyme.
b) I reread most of my poetry tonight (by which I mean at 3:00AM after long conversation with brothers, previous to which I watched Pulp Fiction, which I quite enjoyed) and am feeling in a pretty nostalgic mood due to all three of those. Conversation with brothers is awesome. Pulp Fiction was much better than purported. Even my gothy poetry took on a happy glow in hindsight.

Ah, Nostalgia...