My conscience is vicious! (I'm walking on pins and needles) And I’m begging forgiveness!

So yeah. I have a new poem that I wrote yesterday. I will post it tomorrow. I just want to review it, because it was one of those kind of forced ones, and I'm not sure if it turned out well. It is categorized as a "God" poem.

Anyways, I have had a bit of a rough week. A lot of emotions, dealing with regret and associated feelings. It is all good though. Like I often say, "Loneliness is just God's reminder that I need to spend more time talking to Him." Yeah. I had an especially rough time last night very shortly before bedtime. So I called up Pinne and talked to him for a few hours. Thank God for that kid, or I wouldn't have been able to get to sleep at all. I felt a lot better after our talk though, and slept like a baby. (It being around 12:30AM could have something to do with that though) As a result though, I am pretty tired right now... having worked a full day on 5:30 hours of sleep. So I am going to bed early.

My aunts all (well, mostly all. There are a lot of them) arrived today. They will be staying for the weekend, going to the Art Fair and my grandpa's burial. They are always zany and fun to have around. Anyways, my eyes hurt and I need sleep. Goodnight, Moon.

"How did I ever let you go..."

-L

Someone has written on this stone, in some angry hand:

So, I saw Jake Krempel today. I know! He's like, from Florida! So here is how it went down: around 2-3PM I get this call from John Kazanjian (this guy from my church that I have worked for in the past, an awesome person) saying, "Hey Luke, I've got this friend of yours from Steubenville at my house. They said not to say who it was, but come on over!" And so I was like, "Alright, sure!" So of course, on the 30 second drive to his (amazing/beautiful/packed with children) house I am racking my brain to try to figure out who from Steubenville would be here and know John. Needless to say, the Lord of Glaxon was not top on my list of expectations. So I enter the house and hear music, go to the living room and find Jake on their big piano, with friends accompanying him. I'm like, "Hey dogg, what are you doing here?" Apparently he and his band know someone from Renewal Ministries (I worked for them for a year, my claim to Charismatic fame) who asked them to play music for a Renewal Ministries Bible Conference (or something) this weekend. So he and his Floridian Friends were up here for that, and got hooked up to the Kazanjian house for brunch or something. And of course things got to "Where do you go to school?" and "Oh! Do you know ?" So they called me over. So, yeah. It was awesome to see Jake again. We are not soul-mates or anything, but we have laid smackdown on each other several times. He is a pretty coo guy, and definitely one of my "children" (i.e. "in my smallgroup"). So that was the big event for today.

Also: I have a new love of my life. They are from Murfreesboro, TN. They go by the name of The Protomen and are, yes, a synth-rock (heavy on the rock) band that has dedicated their considerable talent to making a MegaMan rock opera. Yes, an MegaMan ROCK OPERA. Now, aside from the fact that my formative years were spent drawing MegaMan, playing MegaMan and watching MegaMan's TV show, their music is /amazing/. By far one of the most refreshingly different things I've heard in ages, so I won't even try to describe it. Their vocalist is awesome. I have found one live video of them (on YouTube, I will link it if you wish) and, while it is only a three-song set, it blows my socks off. The singer has /such/ stage presence, wearing a MegaMan helmet, belting it out at the top of his lungs while gesturing in a way that I can only say reminds me of Hilter. It gives me the tinglies. And, as great as a sort of ironic, campy MegaMan rock opera would be, these guys have decided to take it a different direction and produce an entirely serious piece dealing with the role of a Messiah to a people whose reaction to evil is generally apathy rather than courage. I cannot recommend this band enough. I have already ordered their CD through CDBaby and hopefully it will ship on Monday.http://www.protomen.com

Yes, I know I've been promising another contemplative/thoughtful entry for a while now, and it has been stewing. Unfortunately, all you will get tonight is this factual update/music rant. Now, I'ma go to bed.

"HOPE RIDES ALONE"

-L

Now I could make this obvious and you, you could deny me all in one breath...

Hey kids. Quick update. I don't have time to put this on the site yet, but I wanted to post it for my "readers". Hott off the presses, having just been finished five minutes ago. Well... three of the lines were written a couple weeks ago, but I kept putting its completion off until tonight. I just felt like finally getting it out of the way. It is submitted to you without comment, except that it is a non-rhyming 12 line poem. Two lines short of a perfect sonnet, but I decided to leave it that way rather than force it, and it contributes to the meaning in a way. It is written basically in a core of dactylic trimeter (including the title), with a few foots/syllables on the front and sometimes the end, just to round things off. Except the last line, which switches to anapests, largely because the last two lines were written as one big chunk of dactyl and just got split that way. So it still works out pretty smoothly as far as the rythym goes. Without further ado (I talk forever even on poems submitted "without comment", don't I?)

--A Phrase Too Familiar, Perhaps I Should Learn (Potentiality Pt. 5) -7/12/06

So did you my dearest, my friend of a friend,

Ever find fearing so fruitless as when

We both try to see past our noses again?

For you are uncertain, unspoiled and unready

And I am the boy who was "twice burned, thrice shy"

Who dreads disillusionment found in your eyes.

When no one's as different as, at first, they seem:

With, "How did I, how could I fall for a dream?"

Well I spent those weeks without sleeping!

A sunrise, a sunset, a tearless set-sail

When all I can say is, "Alright" and, "Okay"

And, "I guess now I know what to look for".

Feel free to leave any comments you have. I love them as ever. Also: I took a bit of a vacation today. It was a lot of fun, and I will write about it tomorrow. I have so many different topics to write about, and I feel bad doing two posts in a day, so they kind of pile up. In closing: I have a live version of today's "Song of the Day" that has quickly become one of my favorite songs ever. Original line-up of Taking Back Sunday + awesome song = **shivers**

"Just forget me, it's that simple..."

-L

These could be days like Lamech, Methuselah...

So yeah. Second day home all alone. It has become increasingly impressed on me that I don't keep a very regular eating schedule when I'm alone/nothing is interferring. Not that I don't eat 3 meals a day, it just struck me at about 9:30PM that I should probably make some dinner. So I made the same thing I had last night: eggs, potatoes, onions and turkey with Swiss cheese and mustard all in a wheat-wrap. It was pretty decent, again. Certainly filling, which is about all I need. The kitchen now has two days worth of dishes in it. I will clean it tomorrow after work (crossed-fingers).

So today I officially won Survivor: TRW Factory! At the last break of the day, Larry went around and talked to three of the employees (everyone but me, Randy and Barb) and just told them that we didn't really need them anymore, so this was their last day. He never /told/ me that I won, or handed me a trophy or anything. He just /didn't/ give me that talk. Oh, and on the way out when I said goodbye, he said, "See you tomorrow, Luke." pretty pointedly, just in case I had assumed I was included in the firees. So yeah! I am employed through the rest of the summer! Today was the day of the favor of the Lord, it was the day of the vengeance of our God. (Na na na na, na na na na...)

God is so faithful that it blows my mind. He permits us to stray from His path fairly often (exactly as often as we choose to, in fact) simply to remind us that no matter /how/ many times we deny Him for something passing, He will never leave us! It is amazing, and you can see it both in the little and the big things. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. While I deserve Hell, the loving Father gave me a sweet job for the rest of the summer, just to prove how closely He is watching over me. Not that my awareness of these truths won't fade and even be conveniantly forgotten at times so that I can "chase after the wind"... but every time I come back, it is a little more humbly. As a child, realizing my utter dependance on Divine Mercy. Pride, in a way, is the root of all sin, and few things will kill your conscience quicker. I am not someone who thinks of himself as prideful, but I praise the Lord for every opportunity that He gives me to humble myself before Him. I do not deserve the chance.

"Boys after girls, and the girls after the boys..."

-L

Revolutionary minds never know to draw the line: running out, running out...

So. The first full day of being home alone! So far so good. Last night for dinner I had a small piece of left-over steak and some breakfast sausage. With mustard and horseradish. Now, I have noticed, within the course of this summer, a new and strange obsession creeping into my tastes: condiments. Which is strange, seeing as for my entire childhood I was a "ketchup only" kid. But within the past year I have begun very much enjoying various mustards and horseradish. Strangely enough, according to Wikipedia, those two are in the same genus! Now if only we can find some connexion between that genus and Cillian Murphy/toasters, we might get some insight into whether there is a pattern to these fixations. So, lest this become "Luke's Fixations Theatre" or "The Things Luke Likes Report", I will simply say: I have a growing affection for/interest in condiments.

Last night the kids held a birthday party for me at Aaron's condo. It was a blast. We pulled out their new hookah (Gilbert) and smoked some mint leaves, which was quite pleasant. Very different from good old tobacco, but (as Aaron said) "Like brushing your lungs". So yeah, pretty soon on in the party I had some of the nicotine in me, which put me in a giggly/giddy mood. Which can be a lot of fun. I was worried for most of the day that I would be in "noise-overload" for the party and just sit there the whole time, which would have stunk for just about everyone.Another highlight of the evening/weekend/summer came later. When Tina had to leave, she had a bunch of stuff to take with her (including the remains of a delicious cake) so I helped her carry it all out to the car. And on the way there, we just kind of started talking, and didn't stop for what must have been at least an hour. It was really good to talk to her again, seeing as we hadn't had a substantial conversation in probably at /least/ a year. So that was a blessing. She is going to call me later this week and we will hang out or do something. "Good times".

Then this morning, Joe and I went to the "Trid Mass" at St. Josephat in D-troit. It was my first Trid Mass ever, so I wasn't sure what I was going to think about it. I'll be blunt, it was pretty frickadiculous (double-plus good). You couldn't hear the priest at /all/ most of the time, unfortunately, so it was a bit hard to follow along, but the whole time was a very powerful experience of peace and grace for me. I'm not sure I'm never going to go to CTK again or anything, but I definitely like the Old Skool I guess.

"Running out like a fire so sweet..."

-L

You said it makes you want to fall in love, or be smart enough to keep your distance...

So.. it was my birthday today and, lemme say: your number of Facebook wall-posts /doubles/ on your birthday. Like, the total number. It doubles. Which was fun, because most of those people wouldn't take the time to actually send you a card (it's okay, I'm lazy too) but you still get the fuzzies. Anyways. So this is my "what I did on my birthday" update, just to get that out of the way.

First off: birthdays are always a bit weird for me. Like, I just don't feel any older. It feels like, "Man, this is just another day, why is everybody making such a big deal out of it? That's kind of strange..." So yeah. I went to work today. Work was just pretty normal. None of them knew it was my birthday because, hey... it would be kind of strange to just bring it up. At that point, you're fishing for well-wishes.

At work, however, I got THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER. One of the guys I work with (who is definitely "in the know" as far as the boss is concerned) took me aside and told me that after Monday, they're letting everyone but me, him and one other person go. And the three of us are staying on definitely past when I'm leaving for school. So: I have a job through the end of the summer! Praise the Lord. I always come home for the summer thinking that I'm going to be stuck with a crap job/no job (which is better, who knows?) but God always pulls something great and completely unexpected for me!

After work, I went home, and discovered that not /only/ had my Russian, mechanical 24-hour dial analog watch arrived in the mail (I may put up Facebook pictures soon, it is awesome), but I had also gotten a few checks in the mail. That meant that I was able to deposit them today and have enough to write the check for next semester's tuition /and/ enough to cover the wedding next weekend. One more semester (hopefully /year/) without debt! Here's hoping I can make it to grad school debt free.

On the whole check note: yesterday, I was looking for my check-book to pay for something, and I couldn't find it. Now, it could only ever be in /one/ place. I take it out of that place, write and check, and put it directly back. But it wasn't there! So I was wigging out. I searched the whole house several times today, because the tuition check is due by next Friday. Just as things were starting to get /really/ intense, my mom pulled it out of the /very/ pocket of my file-folder that I keep it in! I had checked that pocket THREE times! Sometimes you just need an extra pair of eyes, I guess. So that was a plus.

After that, I went to Mass, which was celebrated by a really coo priest that I had never seen before. So Mass was really good, then afterwards I went to the Adoration Chapel and prayed a Divine Mercy Chaplet, per usual. That prayer gives me so much peace when I need it.

Dinner was "fillet mignon". Very tasty. Dad and I tried to get into the new Pirates of the Carribean movie, but they were sold out for the next two shows, so we rented "Downfall" and watched that instead. A 2.5-hour German film about the final days of the Third Reich, holed up in a bunker with the Russians closing in. It was very good.

Tomorrow, my parents leave to go up North for a week. My little sister is already in Austria for her band trip (also for a week). And so, for the space of... a week, I will be home alone. Here's hoping for good times. Tomorrow night at "the Condo" should be a blast, I am looking forward to that. There is a bunch of stuff that I haven't written about, but I will refrain from bombarding you all with it. Hopefully this weekend/week, having some time alone will help me to discipline myself and write a bit more, so you all can see a return of the quality/"stuff" that you are accustomed to.

One other cool thing that I got (I just have to mention this) was a 2GB USB drive from my dad. He rightly assumed that that would be an awesome thing to have.

"You can't decide, you can't decide!"

-L

My body's tight, my soul's excited and I wish that I was gifted...

So, yeah. I finally wrote some more, and updated the webpage. Just to give you all some insight into exactly how much I procrastinate writing: I wrote down the title, last line and basic outline of this poem on June 22nd. Then, finally, last night I lay down on my bed at 3AM and took an hour to actually put it on paper. Now, I do think that things turn out a bit more fulfillingly when they have some time to percolate/ferment, but why do they find the most inconveniant hours to finally come spilling out?

So this one is a proper Spenserian sonnet. It is a companion piece to "Upon the Occasion" (hence the title), which may also be found in the "Life" section of the site. Both of them are inspired by this kid that I barely knew who died from cancer when he was around 14. Coming to terms with early death at different stages in my life, I guess. It sounds more morbid than it is, perhaps.Woohoo, four-day weekend for July 4th. Most of the time I have been kind of bored, actually. But I still have a day and a half left, hopefully fun times will roll. Tomorrow night we are going to see the Capital Steps.

Upon Revisitation (An Afterward, an Elegy) -7/03/06

The mourners all like wedding guests process

The aisle and take their seats to start the rote,

And you are there in black: your finest coat,

Though vestal white would be your right to dress.

But here we have no wisdom to impress

A soul who thus has overleaped the moat

That sep’rate keeps the pilgrim, sheep and goat,

Our spirits yet too weak to dare transgress.

So many mourn, and fear the course you ran.

They count untested mettle as a boon,

Though you, above them all, have braved the tomb.

So young, so young, so young to be a man!

So glorious your wings, to fly so soon!

Magnificent your seed, so young to bloom!

"My body's tight, my soul's excited and I wish I had some spunk..."

-L