A Material Update

Sometimes it is hard to sit down and write here because one the one hand I have material updates w/re: what is going on in my life, and on the other hand I have longwinded "thoughts of the day" that could drag on for a while. I feel compelled to keep the two pretty separate because I'm sure that some people read this blog mostly for the former, more practical news, and I would hate for them to be overwhelmed by the vast marshland that is my mind (nice mental image), thus missing out on details such as the election of a new CTL coordinator. So here is a purely practical update.

Yeah, so maybe you've already heard, maybe not. A surprising number of people seem to know. We had the CTL coordinator elections last night. It was between Josh Houde and myself, and I won. I am convinced that it was a very close election, however. I mean, Houde read his "vision statement" for household before I did, and I was pretty intimidated. I mean, I can't honestly stand up and say, "I would definitely make a better coordinator than Josh Houde." It's just not true. It is also the case, however, that I have felt called to fulfill this role in household next year. So I am at peace with the way things worked out, and pretty excited for next year. I don't assume actual coordinator-ship for a few more weeks, when Matt MacDonald passes on "The Shaft", and even then he will be there to help my transition.The great thing is, as several brothers noted during the Q&A section, about 75% of Houde and my vision statements were the same. The rest of it was personal style and practical plans for implementation but, as Houde said, "It's the same Holy Ghost's vision." I chose Houde as my Ass-Co (Assistant Coordinator) for next year, and I think that'll be great. He has a lot of enthusiasm and strengths that perfectly complement some of my weaknesses. Like Rico said, "It's like you two are each half of the perfect coordinator!" So, yeah. My hope is that he will be a strong Ass-Co and still bring as much of his take on the vision to household as possible. Like I said in my vision statement, I think that next year, as a predominantly young household, we're going to have a lot of enthusiasm. As coordinator, I plan to do everything possible to nurture, channel and facilitate that enthusiasm and creativity into great things for CTL. It's going to be awesome. A large part of the practical side of my vision was to get as many brothers on Orientation Team as possible, and already two of them have said they'll do it. The more the better!

And now I have to write my talk on Our Lady of Sorrows for retreat. We leave in two and a half hours. :)

Hesychia,-L

P.S. I guess my "nothing but the facts ma'am" updates can get pretty lengthy too...
P.P.S. I ought also to mention that my loving mother sent me what looks to be a treasure chest full of wonderful chocolate chip cookies! I will hide them safely in my room for the weekend, and be sure to bring them to Men's Group. Num-Num!

Move over, Satan, I'm a God-blessed sinner!

So. My brother, Ross Acheson, wrote a post about going (or rather, about not going) to Ghana. I always love talking to Ross, and reading his "LJ" is as close as I get most of the time when I'm at school. Ross has a real passion for simplicity and great insight into the beauty and humility of Christian life. He said something in his post that has been on my mind as well. I started to write a comment but, as is my style, I found that it was getting too long. Since I've started this "LJ" I've begun noticing how verbose I am when I type. Anyways, back to Ross. In this post, he says that: "Now that I've been in the habit of thinking about the possibility of living abroad, and now that going abroad is no longer a near possibility, I realize that I am beginning to tire of life in America-- complacency, prosperity, satisfaction of outward desires, and television." I agree with you about America, Ross. At the very least, I tire of the materialism, if not the country itself. It seems so attractive to just go somewhere else and live a simple life, especially at a Franciscan school. Especially during Lent, when one gets to immerse oneself in self-denial and giving up extraneous pleasures to better focus on Christ. I grow tired of living in a culture that exists simply to stay sated and disdains any concept of suffering for the sake of something better. The other day, however, the "quote board" in our dorm said "A man who cannot be holy where he is cannot be holy anywhere." I forget who said it, but it struck me as true. If we find ourselves struggling to keep our focus on God amidst all the noise, often we ask God (or at least wish) to put us in a place where it would be easier to remain focused solely on His glory. These are the times when I find myself wishing I was called to life in a monastery. I hear Joe G. talking about the SSJC (Society of St. John Cantius) and how peaceful his soul feels when he's there. And it's possible that he is called to be there. Many are called to live a life dedicated to the Lord in that way: living a simple life in obedience. The graces in that kind of life seem overwhelming to me, the humility and sacrifice that are the cornerstone of our faith. But I am pretty darn sure that I'm called to the married life. Now, I know that there are many graces found it that life as well, and that it is possible to live a simple married life in a materialistic society. I firmly intend to do so. My point, I guess is that often our response to trials is "God, get me out of here" rather than "God, give me the grace to live here". It strikes me that, rather than praying for a life where I need as little grace as possible to remain holy, I ought to pray for the flood of grace necessary to remain unstained in a sinful world. And that's what I want. I don't want the easy bubble life where my faith is never challenged. I want a life so flooded with grace that even the darkest powers flee. Ross concludes his thought by saying: "I wonder if it's not time to settle into life here and learn how to be holy where I am now and where I likely will be for much of my life." That is the very same calling that I've been feeling. It is God's calling not to push our cup away but rather to drink deeply of the Blood of Christ. Peace and love, Ross. You're in my prayers, bro. -L P.S. At the job-fair yesterday, pretty much everyone was there to recruit theology majors, nursing students or education majors. The only people there for psychologists were the Army. Y'know, back when I was going to be a priest, I was going to be a chaplain in the military and serve the soldiers. Perhaps God is calling me to take another look at that plan, as a psychologist in the military? I don't know that I'd choose the /Army/ over, say, the Air Force or something but... It's on my mind and in my prayers. And I took their folder.

Poop-news, Good-news and My Sunday Afternoon

So, today I get to my Adjustment class, see the other kids with their workbooks and I'm like, "Crap." I totally forgot to do it. I asked and he was unrelenting on the whole "no late work" policy so... I think the /most/ I can get in that class now is an 88%. So there goes my hopes for all A's. The really sucky thing is that, if I had remembered, that assignment would have taken me 30min to do, tops.

On a brighter note, Eric Dumas (the RD of Trinity) asked me the other day to stop by his room sometime to talk. After a few tries, I caught him there this evening. He pretty much said that he just wanted me to know that cutting me off the RA-staff was a tough decision and that I did make it to the top few. He said that it wasn't so much indicative of me not being a good candidate as it was a matter of having way /too/ many good choices this year. So he encouraged me to apply again next year, which I'm probably going to do. I think this just underscores the idea that God probably wants me to be coordinator next year instead. The elections are this Thursday (we got a rush-deadline imposed from above), and I still have to write a "vision statement" for household so... prayers for me and for household's discernment are appreciated.

Other good news is that CTL's Meditation tonight was awesome. It was Chrissy P's turn and he did an awesome job. It was on brotherhood and some practical strategies for maintaining it, especially with regards to reconciling differences/offences. It certainly hit home to several things household needs this and next year. I'm going to miss that crazy Canadian next year... but at least he'll be back my Senior year. So I spent most of yesterday (Sunday) listening to/ripping music. I gave up listening to music for Lent (the second year in a row) as my main sacrifice, and so far it has been easier than it was last year. Those who know me know that I listen to a /lot/ of music, so giving it up is, well... not a /challenge/ because I have no trouble doing it once I've decided to. It's definitely big part of my daily life to give up though. So I take full advantage of my Sundays to catch up on new bands I've discovered as well as songs that I've been wanting to listen to all week.

In this case, my week was a rather nostalgic one, so I spent the whole day ripping all of the old third-wave Ska CDs that I owned in 8th/9th grade but lost. Luckily Joe G. still has all of them in his collection. I spent most of the day rediscovering the joys that the OC Supertones and Insyderz brought to my life, and now that I have them on my computer, I hope to re-add "ska-kid" to my already voluminous musical self-description (future-pop/EBM-listening metalcore post-rocker emo-kid with indie sensibilities, for those keeping score at home). On a funny note, the other night Pinne (Christopher Pinnegar) had a NET-candidate staying in his room. We got to talking about music (because he had longish hair) and he asked me what I listened to. I told him some basic genres that I frequent and after I was done he kind of had a blank look on his face and said, "Dude, I'm not even sure what most of that is." He listens to Reliant K (who, I will reiterate once again, it is perfectly okay for girls to like). The three of us ended up having a good-yet-short music conversation despite that, and the fact that he was an emo-hater. This probably shook up poor Pinne more than it did me, seeing as he has no other pretensious, hyphenated sub/cross-genres to keep him warm if his emo fails to impress.

I actually have been thinking about music a bit recently, as going cold-turkey makes one do... but that is a post for another time. For now, good luck and good night.

Oops, I guess...

I really didn't mean to post anything today... I really don't want to put up my superlong ramblings /every/ single day. I figure I already pretty much lost my readership over Spring Break but... well, I guess this "LJ" was always more for me to write than you to read so gosh darn it, I'll write.

Writing is not something I've been doing a whole lot of recently. I haven't updated my website since mid-Summer (I should...). I have only written /one/ poem post-breakup (though, to be honest, it hasn't been super traumatic), and the last time I wrote before then was a few short ditties over Christmas break. Honestly, it's a little weird. I've always (well, since old-times) thought of myself as a writer, and here I haven't written much recently. From Girl 1 in early 2004 through Girl 3 in early 2006, I have written a poem or three about pretty much everything I've felt during that time, be it spiritual, emotional or physical. Last year I did at least a semester of two-per-week. It was always a form of validation, I guess. I write about it: there it is, encapsulated perfectly (or amateurishly) in 14 lines that I can reread years later and say, "Yeah, I felt/thought exactly that way."

But I haven't been writing recently, or at least not poetry. Instead of having this urge to compress the (so-called) "Human Experience" into 70 iambs, I have been compulsively writing long-winded entries on an "LJ". And I've been pleased with how some of them turn out. So maybe this is a new turn in the road? I sort-of miss "Writer's Group" sometimes. Those were good times, if nothing else. At least looking back they were good, and I don't really talk about writing with anyone these days.

So I guess this post boils down to:
a) I have been feeling, and validating feelings, without the help of metre or rhyme.
b) I reread most of my poetry tonight (by which I mean at 3:00AM after long conversation with brothers, previous to which I watched Pulp Fiction, which I quite enjoyed) and am feeling in a pretty nostalgic mood due to all three of those. Conversation with brothers is awesome. Pulp Fiction was much better than purported. Even my gothy poetry took on a happy glow in hindsight.

Ah, Nostalgia...

If a dream were eschatological, would we ever wake?

The hardest part about getting back from break is kicking my butt into gear to read Honors. The best part is seeing the people I missed over break (though bittersweet because I didn't get a chance to see my friends and family back home).

In case you all hadn't heard, I got offered a position as an RA Alternate on Lower Campus next year. The RSVP date was yesterday, so I sent Louis an email declining. I simply said that next year will be a very transitional period for my household, and I'd like to stay in the (best) dorm (on campus) with them. And it's true: next year will be an awesome year to live on CTL wing (not that this year hasn't already been frickadiculous). We have 16 (unless my memory fails me) brothers and one intent right now. We'll be graduating six people this May though, setting us back to a respectable 11 brothers, once we induct Kilby. And all of these guys, especially the new guys, are young and have lots of time and energy to put into household. Wing-life has been booming this year already, even with most of the seniors' time getting sucked up in school-work and fiances. Although it will be a shame to lose some of the great wisdom our seniors have, next year will be awesome because household will be large and predominantly young!

The issue with a young household is that our tradition states that you have to have been a brother for over a year to be Coordinator. It's not an ironclad thing, but it's tradition for a good reason. That leaves three people, including myself, who qualify. The other two will be seniors next year and, while we like to have seniors Coordinate whenever possible, they are likely to be busy. Neither has expressed a real interest in being Coordinator aside from "Well, if that's what household wants, I guess I'll do it." That leaves me. Now, I always intended to be Coordinator. Ever since I joined I wanted to; it sounded like a lot of fun. I always figured I'd be an RA my Junior year, then Coordinate my Senior year though. So I figure that this is God's way of shifting my schedule around a little. I will probably be Coordinator next year, as things are looking now, and I can apply again for RA as a Senior (perhaps). As I told my mom, this was the perfect situation because I didn't get completely shot down by ResLife, I just got a "try again", which I probably will. As is, I am quite excited about meeting all the great guys God will bring here next year. I often pray that He will guide to us all those who He has called in a special way to dedicate their college life to love. That sentence was very "obscure" (to quote Mr. Aaron Hottburg), but it's late and I don't know how else to phrase it.

Now on to the Thought of the Day:The other night, I had a dream about the End of the World. Now, to start, it's strange that I even had a dream. All the way through high school and the past 3 semesters, I maybe had under 10 dreams. In the past two weeks, however, I have both been sleeping more fitfully, and dreaming practically every-other night. It's weird, and I can't explain it, but it's kind of cool too.

The particulars of the dream have faded, and I can only remember the general impressions. It was not so much an "angels battling demons in a fiery sky as the last stars fall"-style Harburgian "Shekina Apocalypse", but more of a "The Last Night of the World"-style Bradburian event. All I can remember is standing around talking with my good friends and being certain that before the sun set I would see Christ come in glory. It was a wonderful feeling knowing that the sun need never rise again, but instead I would spend eternity in the light of the Son of God. I knew in my heart that (for the Christian) the Apocalypse is not a new Inquisition, but instead the loving Father coming to take us home. The Trumpet-Blast is not a war-cry but the start of a wonderful, eternal dance. It was the assurance that God would not abandon His Children amidst the carnage, but rather that this, like all things He does, is entirely for our good. It was a wonderful excitement, and I awoke feeling happy and at peace.

This dream was especially wonderful because my attitude towards the Second Coming has not always been one of excitement. Now, I have gone on-and-off on the idea of it happening in my lifetime. I eventually settled on "I Don't Care". I am equally happy to die in bed, a 93 year old man surrounded by family as I am to hear the final trumpet sound at the age of 20. The thing is, for much of my life the idea of St. Michael marching out and starting to play "Taps" has been a petrifying concept. I have not been prepared to go. My first thought on hearing a trumpet play was usually "Oh crap, where is a priest?" So this feeling of joy and excitement about the Second Coming, even though it was only in a dream, is a very welcome feeling. I haven't been scared of the Final Judgment for a while now, but it is always good to look back and reflect on how far I have come. Back in the day I would be scared every time I listened to The O.C. Supertones song "Tonight", now it is running through my head and I have a taste of the peace that they're singing about.I need the grace to always rest in this peace: that God has my life in His hands. I need it when I think about Death, Life, applying for a Graduate School or even the old familiar "Oh gosh, I can't talk to that girl, she'll think I'm creepy!" I need the confidence that God has a plan, a great work in my life that He is bringing to completion through my cooperation with His grace. The confidence that He is not simply by putting the planning and execution of my life squarely on my own shoulders. I am becoming aware of how much I need this confidence proper to a son of God, and I rejoice that He is even now starting to bring it about in me.My final thought is: let us live our lives completely to glorify God, so that when He comes it is the exclamation point on our praises and the denouement of what we have been telling and showing the world for years through our love: that we have a Father who loves us, and He will come to bring us Home.

New Jersey Update: Saturday

So the last day in Jersey is completed. We went to the abortion clinic again in the morning. Nothing new to report... we got more fingers and swearing this time though. We then came back to the house, had a lunch and went out. We went to Target with this "Ix" kid. She was not as revolutionarily strange as had been advertised, but seemed nice enough all around. Typical Ann Arbor 16-year-old anime-obsessed slash-writing girl, I guess. Claire bought the "adult" (i.e. grown-up, not sketchy) version of Apples to Apples. I bought X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse, because it finally got down to $20.

When we got back to the house, Mark and I put the first layer of paint on some siding that the Gilligans are putting up. We then had to leave for "Mass". I say "Mass" because we actually went to Divine Liturgy. It was pretty awesome. It was a pretty small (though it was the Saturday vigil) parish called St. Elias (named after Elias Magnus himself, Aaron Harburg). The architecture, mosaics and icons were beautiful. Their liturgy is also very good. There are many prayers in it that I wish we had at least equivalents to in the Roman rite. We certainly made at least one old woman's day, even though I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt (my dress-clothes were beyond dirty...). That sort of thing is always worth it. Showing them that there's still youth in the Church, y'know. It's one of the reasons that I love going on retreat where we do: it's a powerful witness.

So after that, we came back to the house (stopping only to get some flowers and a card for Mrs. Gilligan) and had a great (delayed) St. Patrick's Day dinner. Corned-beef and cabbage. I love them both super equally. After dinner, Mark and I put on the second coat of paint while the girls did some vacuuming. Everyone played about three games in a row of Apples to Apples then. It was a lot of fun. I won the first game, Susanna won the second and I forget who won the third. It is a very fun game and I am glad that Claire will be bringing it back to Steubenville.

So, on the whole: New Jersey was a lot of fun. We did a bunch of awesome things and none of us got in any huge fights. There was surprisingly little "I'm sick of being around you guys all day" friction, or else it all went over my head. I am definitely ready to get back to school though. Breaks are a lot of fun, but only when they end. That is the entirety of my tired thought of the day: all good breaks need to end sometime. This one was very good, and is ready to be over.The last thing that we did tonight (just got done with) was watching Aladdin. Disney's Aladdin. It was about 10 years since I last saw it, I think. At least. It is a very enjoyable film still, and probably one of my favorites. Anyone who says that Disney/Pixar only started making movies for older people with Shrek hasn't rewatched the old classics. I think that it's only after like, Hercules or something that Disney movies became /entirely/ insipid. At least, that's when I stopped watching.

The platitude of the day was: "Priests/religious are 'married to the Church'." I realize that I forgot to list the other various platitudes of the day that have occurred throughout the week... um... I don't remember most of them this late, but maybe if you ask me later I will.

Hesychia,
-L

New Jersey Update: Friday

So. Today was pretty darn awesome. We got to sleep in a bit (until 9AM). We then fiddled around for a few hours and helped Claire's mom around the house a bit. Then we headed off to Jersey City.

Once there, we went to Liberty State Park or something. We figured maybe we'd check out prices for the ferry to Ellis Island because Susanna wanted to go there. The ferry cost $11.50, so that was right out. Instead we walked along the sea-side path and actually got as decent a land-view of Ellis & the Statue as is possible. We also saw a police-dog (with -man) guarding the secret employee's-only bridge to Ellis Island. Well, not so much guarding as playing tug-o'-war with a rubber toy. It was pretty fun. They pretty much only close the bridge to the public so that the public has to pay $11.50 to get to the island. Which is dumb.

After that, we went over to a Mall nearby. And... (here it comes) we actually caught V for Vendetta on Opening Day! It was only $6.75 for the ticket, and the theater was actually a lot better than Showcase. The film itself was awesome! It has been a really long time since I saw an awesome movie that I have been anticipating for about a year on opening day! Return of the King may have been the last time. Suffice to say that the movie itself was, in a word, frickadiculous. I am already a big fan of the book (and everything that Alan Moore writes, in general), and I was very pleased with Hollywood's rendition. They did (of course) cut out quite a few subplots (/no/ movie could render full justice to Mr. Moore's intricacies), but left the main plot pretty untouched. They "updated" it a little, of course, but it was a very good interpretation. Natalie "The Mother of Luke Skywalker" Portman and Hugo "Agent Smith" Weaving were /excellent/ in the title roles. In short: I had high expectations for this movie. It surpassed them, and sent shivers down my spine several times. It has been /way/ too long since a movie did either of those things. I am definitely buying it when it comes out.

The Bishops (or their old "rating women") with undoubtedly rate it "O", unfortunately, so I'll have to watch it in my room or off-campus. They don't have a rating up yet, but DecentFilms.com gave it a -4 on their Moral Scale, which is as low as it goes. They put it in the same category as "The Last Temptation of Christ", which I don't think that it deserved. Their review was fair and showed familiarity with the source-work, but I think that it focused too much on the film-as-commentary on the Bush Administration, which is certainly there but not necessarily taken from the film. Also: the point of the story is not really to agree with all of the characters but to think about the issues presented. In that respect, the film-makers did very well.I think the part that made me the most happy was that they preserved the /heart/ of the book. V for Vendetta is definitely a "negative utopia" story in the tradition of "1984", but it doesn't have the same negative outlook on humanity. At the heart of it, the story teaches that people are good and have the wits and natural capacity to create a world worth living in. And that same spirit of "compassionate anarchy" (because Moore's book was always about anarchy vs. fascism, not left-wing vs. right-wing, as the movie tends more to see things) is definitely in the movie. Man, I really want to see it again. Maybe I'll convince someone in Steubenville to go.

Hesychia,
-L

New Jersey Update: Thursday

So this is my update for Thursday, in outline form:
1) We visited Victoria, Claire's friend. She has a baby and the fattest Labrador I've ever seen. Fun was had with all three of them.
2) We went down to the "Jersey Shore" and visited Claire's grandmother. We had cookies and tea at her house, watched CNN with her and kept up a running commentary on World News.
3) We went to the actual Jersey shore and walked on the beach. I picked up some shells to put on my shelf at school. Maybe it will make the room more festive/vacationy. We also tried to dig up hermit crabs unsuccessfully, and I wrote "Mark is a girl" in the sand /twice/. He was not expecting to come across the first one, but the second caught him completely off-guard. I then found a sign-post and Susanna found a pine-cone. We played baseball with them for a few minutes.
4) We went to "Little India" for dinner. It is apparently the most authentic Indian cuisine experience around, including anything in "the City". I wanted to go and managed to convince Claire (i.e. said "Let's go eat Indian over Spring Break.") and the others. It was excellent food. I had some sort of Goat. It was their "mild" spiciness-setting, so it was not overwhelming (though certainly not tame by my Swedish standards) and we had enough yogurt to go around. So there was actually no intestinal difficulties, which was strange and welcome! Definitely worth doing again, maybe I'll look into Rajah Rani's when I'm back in "Tree-Town".
And that's all I have to say about that.

Hesychia,
-L

New Jersey Update: Wednesday

So. We didn't do much today. Mostly sat around and read "Piers Plowman". I've already finished the reading for Tuesday because Thursday's reading is twice as long and I figure I'd better get started on it. I like it pretty well so far. It reminds me of Candide and Pilgrim's Progress. The best parts are some of the long, hyphenated names. Piers' son's name is something like "Always-listen-to-your-elders-and-do-what-they-say-or-maybe-you'll-wish-you-had". Priceless.

Other than that, we spent some time hanging out on the waterfront in 300mph winds, looking across the water at some Staten Island landfill. Mark and I went for a pleasant walk before dinner. Dinner itself consisted of excellent Shepard's Pie. We then played a very long game of Apples to Apples. This week has been my first introduction to that game, but it is very fun. I totally pwned this time.

So, the Thought of the Day:
So I guess Piers Plowman has got me thinking... in both this work and Canterbury Tales, the Church and its ministers get a hard scolding. It was a time of great difficulty in the Church due to the priest-shortage from the Plague. The Church's weakened state allowed a bunch of rogues to get in and abuse their power; it definitely needed to be whipped into shape. The thing is: the people who stepped up to do it were generally people who loved the Church! They certainly say hard things and bring ugly realities to light, but they do so recognizing that these gluttons and liars are not the Church but rather those that have invaded her sacred body.

Chaucer and Langland both admired simple men of God and wanted to see churchmen return to that. I think that, because their satire was written not only with spite (like too much of the satire today) but with a real love for the mystical body that they were criticizing, it was far more effective in its goal. So my thought for today is: we see a priest shortage today, as well as scandal within the clergy (which is certainly nothing new). Why are the people who /hate/ the Church the only ones standing up and calling attention to it? I don't think that we can entrust God's words of chastisement to pagans who would laugh at any downfall of the Bride of Christ. The Church and those who love her need to start examining the situation and applying rebuke where necessary.

I do not mean that we have been lacking in the area of general apologies given and sins acknowledged (though perhaps long after the fact). What I mean is that the Church hierarchy, in their concern to avoid scandal, did not properly distance itself from the sins committed. We all ended up looking like the protectors of the wolves rather than protectors of the sheep. There are many possible ways that the Church could have taken a stronger stance, rather than merely a reactionary/apologetic role, and I really don't know if a public flogging would have worked better than a simple excommunication. All I know is that in an attempt to preserve the solidarity of Catholics against the pointing fingers of the heathens, we ended up in solidarity with the wicked.

Some say that it is a good thing that there was so much attention on the scandals in the clergy, because it spurred us on and cleansed the House of God. That may be true in part, but I cannot imagine that the poisonous gossip of scoffers is what is needed ultimately. Far too many of us are either ready to sit back and let them do the job, or else we are too defensive in our rejection of their criticism. The Church needs a renewal of its devotion to the Cardinal virtues, and the tongues to administer those life-giving waters are not the wicked tongues of blasphemers and gossipers but a tongue that loves as it chastises, drawing all of its words from the humble Eucharist that it receives.

New Jersey Update: Tuesday

I am pretty beat and feel like sleeping, but I told my lil' sis (who I have no assurance is actually /reading/ this) that I would update pretty much daily, and today was a "big day".

First off: it was Mark Spencer's birthday. He isn't doing anything on the Webs except email during Lent, but if you feel like it you can send him an email wishing him a Happy Jerkday. He probably won't check it until after break though. He's weird like that. So it is also Pi Day, Albert Einstein's Birthday and Charlotte Spencer's Birthday. An auspicious date all around.Secondly: we went into "the City" and walked around today. I had seen some of the stuff already when my family went to New York for a few days (or was it a week?), but it was still nice to see it again. We mostly walked around looking at buildings. We visited a Salvation Army that was purported to be three stories tall, but it was the wrong one (and actually smaller than our Salvation Army in Ace-Deuce). So, no Reez, I didn't buy you a dress... :(

We had lunch at this "authentic" pizza place that Claire had raved about. The pizza was very good, but I am not convinced to spurn either Cottage Inn or Anthony's. The best part was that the cheese actually tasted like mozzarella cheese, rather than the vague "pizza cheese" that most places have. For dinner we simply grabbed McDonald's since we were short on time.We had a nice little break in Central Park. We just found a large rock to lounge on for a while and just rest. It was a moderately warm but very windy day, my favorite type of weather ever! So that was a lot of fun. We then checked out the Guggenheim museum and decided that $15 was a bit steep for admissions.

Last of all, we saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. It was pretty aight! Mark and I especially dissected it a bit afterwards and detailed pros and cons of the performance. We all agreed that it was a very good show, but that (at least Mark and I agreed) Les Miserables is a superior work in all categories. The most interesting part was comparing the movie (which we had all already seen) with the stage-performance. Each medium had its own definite strengths. There were certain parts that were done better because of film's advantages, but the last half of the play, and especially the ending, were /much/ better in the play. The one part that possibly disappointed me was some discrepancy in the lyrics. I grew up listening to two CD's: Les Miserables and Phantom. I know Phantom's songs pretty darn well, and there were lyrics that were different in this performance, never for the better in my opinion. It could be that I'm just bad with change. I have accused myself of that in the past.

So that's that, I guess. I am doing very well, and looking forward to sleeping soon. I have been mulling over several issues that may deserve a post once they have finished percolating.

Hesychia,
-L

New Jersey Update: Monday

Now ends the first week-day in New Jersey (I am too tired to count what day of vacation it is). Tomorrow we go explore "the City" and see Phantom, etc.

Today we went to the Bronx Zoo. It was pretty tight. A few of the cool animals were not there due to "cold weather" (it was 64F), but that just meant that we could take our time looking at the other ones. Some of the monkeys were hilarious, and the Black Panthers (proper-noun intended) were just too cool for such as the schools. I have to say though that the best part was this little video of tigers swimming that they played in the tiger-section. It had this one part where this tiger backs reluctantly into a pool, testing the water with his toe then slowly easing his way in. It was /frickadiculous/! After he finally sat down in the pond, you could only see his head above the water. He just started lapping the water with his tongue, then got the most ludicrous look on his face just before the cut! That probably made my day.I'm not sure why I love animals so much. They all just make me laugh. My household brothers just don't understand why pictures such as this send me into convulsions, and I'm not really sure either. It's just this vague impression that God made animals as this huge joke. They all walk around, looking so serious, but at the same time I get the distinct impression that they have absolutely no idea what they're doing! So suffice to say that I had fun today, and got myself completely worn out. I sort of miss my dog.

Apparently my little sister is probably going to live in Thomas More next year, because her potential room-mate wants to live there. On the one hand, I love Marian and know more about the Marian households, so it makes me a little sad that she's going to be all the way across the campus instead of two seconds away. On the other hand, I can see her fitting into TM pretty well too, what with the general jockiness that seems to exist there. Whatever, I'm still just "geeked" that she's coming here (there?).

Hesychia,
-L

New Jersey Update: Sunday

So this is my second update from the hallowed halls of the Gilligan residence in (roughly) Woodbridge, NJ.

We went to Mass this morning at around 10AM. It was very nice. The church was pretty enough, if slightly modern. I think that I enjoyed the music the most. It isn't that often that I get to hear organs played (and they rock pretty solidly when played well, as evidenced by the Mates of State) so it's generally a treat to hear some. They played some pretty decent hymns as well. The homily was entertaining (though right now my brain is too addled to remember what it was about). After Mass we met some of Claire's choir friends. Then Mark and I analyzed the architecture and statues in the church. We also found a wonderful painting of Palm Sunday and spent a good few minutes analyzing that. Then we met Claire's priest, who was fun to talk to for a few minutes (not that he became boring thereafter, but that we left after a few minutes).

Once we got back to the house, we went through the already established ritual of analyzing the comics page, which we had also done the previous day. It is a lot of fun because they have literally twice as many comics in New Jersey as we do in Michigan. It is fun to work one's way through the metaphors, social commentary, pacing and punchlines. And to point out which ones just stink. :)

The day was spent socializing/playing many games with Claire's extended family and friends who came over to her house for lunch. It was a lot of fun. I actually managed somehow to keep myself from going into "turtle mode" (mostly by not saying a word for the first half of the day), and Mark and I had quite a good time with a certain "Chris", with whom we could conduct ourselves sarcastically and speak about all sorts of philosophy and theology. I was not at all shocked later to find out that he enjoys a good cigar every now and again.

We had some pretty sweet pizza for dinner (my half was garlic: God's own seasoning!). After dinner, we watched "Garden State", which I had told them that they needed to see. It definitely got me in the same old mood it does every time I watch it, which is a good thing. And Mark said he liked it. So, hi-fives all around in that regard.

Day-summary ended, and now for the stream-of-consciousness, gosh-I-need-to-go-to-bed "thought of the day":
I was thinking a good deal when kneeling during Mass. This was due in part to the fact that I was kneeling on the stone floor (having gotten that part of the pew that is not kneelered). But I was thinking about our various body-postures during the course of the Mass. As human persons, we are both body and soul, and I believe that many truely "human acts" (so to speak) requires the use (or perhaps expression through) both. For the most part, this is simple to see in the Mass. When we sit, we are contemplating quietly or sitting attentively listening to God's word proclaimed. When we stand, we are in a position of praise and respect, also demonstrating our readiness to actively go and preach the good news. When I was kneeling, however, I had one of those fun moments where you suddenly see a certain action as if it were the first time, and I was struck by the nature of what we mean when we kneel. Kneeling in front of a man means one thing: making yourself less than him. Because we are both body and soul, we often express ourselves bodily to each other, even unconsciously. Kneeling means humbly making yourself less than someone simply by the fact that you have made yourself physically shorter, to symbolize the act of putting their will above your own simply by magnifying their height. I think that's why men kneel when the propose to a woman, or pledge allegiance to a king or ask forgiveness for a great offense. It is an extremely /human/ act, especially when done while "present to yourself", or "standing at your center", or "with lateral self-presence", or any of those other great Dr. Harold terms.

The thing is, as St. Anselm said, the closest that we can get to understanding the Incarnation and Passion of Christ is trying to imagine ourselves dying by crucifixion to save a rather small colony of ants. The only catch is: there is infinitely more innate distance between the nature of uncreated God and created Man than there is between created Man and created Ant. We are so very small in our nature, compared to his. If we truly see ourselves, then we are humbled in the presence of His magnitude. But still we perform this very human act of kneeling. We cannot, though the whole human race might pour its blood out as an offering, increase the stature of God one millimeter. But by making ourselves that much shorter in His presence, we magnify Him and His will to the best of our ability. In this very human act, we humble ourselves before our Creator, acknowledging Him as the supreme and uncreated Lord of our lives, and realize how very small we are in His presence: everything that we are, dust and ashes.

In New Jersey

So I guess I'm in New Jersey now. It was a swift ride with a Massachusets driver (read: at least 80mph the whole way), so it only took 7 hours counting dinner. Don't worry, Mom, he was also a very safe driver in an excellent car and we were never even mildly /near/ a crash. Well, we did pass by a car that was billowing flames and smoke, but that wasn't even as a result of a crash. And everyone seemed to be aight.

The week we have lined up ahead of us looks fun. We went to the local abortuary this morning and protested/prayed a few rosaries. It was closed, but we got about 10 times more affirmative honk-by's as we would have in Ann Arbor. All in all, it was a lot of fun to stand around and pray, then chat with Claire's old-person prolife friends. Apparently we're going to the Zoo sometime this week, which should be a blast. I love zoos and haven't been to one in years! I hope that my memories of zoos are not inaccurately awesome...

Susanna and Claire are shopping right now (they have been all afternoon) for... heck, I don't know what they're shopping for. I think they're getting Mark something for his birthday though (which is Chewsday), in addition to whatever expensive jewelry they see. After dinner I think we're all going to adoration, then we were going to potentially hang out with any of Claire's friends who are available. We were also going to watch some movie with her 11-year-old sister (I had the /hardest/ time thinking of any movies I like that are appropriate for that age-group), then watch Garden State once she went to bed. I don't think that any of the rest of them have experienced the awesomeness of that movie yet, and seeing as we are /in/ the Garden State (though I am informed that it is being renamed) I figured 'What better time? What better place?'

Hesychia,
-L

Excuses, excuses...

So. I have been saying for about a week now that I would write another post based on some "intellectual-type" thoughts I've been having. I know that my one Reader (JAGryniewicz) has been expecting it, as well as MKSpencer (who is out of the "internet-game" for Lent). Just to crush your anticipation: this is not that post. I have been mulling over the ideas that I want to write about (my thought-processes are a complete topic for another time) and have come to the conclusion that I probably need three posts to sum it up. Or at least to divide it into manageable chunks so I don't get overwhelmed and think, "Eh, I'll do it later." So part one was supposed to be written this morning. /This/ post is explaining why it wasn't.

So I sat down at my computer this morning shortly after waking up and figured, "Hey, why not check up on Websnark, just to get the intellectual gears greased." I then spent the rest of the morning on Websnark, reading the thriving debate on the nature of literary criticism. All in all, a stellar read, if slightly anti-climatic due to its nature as a comments section.The other reason that I was camping out Websnark was so see if Eric Burns would post on the latest Achewood. Now, if he did another post on the current plotline, that would make three posts (between him and Weds) on this storyline alone! But hey, LJBH, Chris Onstad is doing a great job! He deserves three snarks and a "tasty, tasty biscuit"! By this point, however, I realized that Eric was busy with his crusade against jargonized academia in the comments section and likely wouldn't snark the latest Achewood. I also realized that I only wanted him to snark it to confirm the excitement that I was already feeling regarding this latest twist. Y'know, the whole "misery loves company" thing, except it's "webcomic geek-outage loves company". So I figured that I would just write down what I thought anyways. I've already tried to hook Ms. Ghilly-gan on the wonders of Chris Onstad's world, but I doubt she's read it. So this will have to serve as an example of the lambasted "writing for the sake of hearing yourself talk". On to the show.When I first was linked to Achewood, I read one or two strips and grew bored. At some point later, probably via Websnark, I decided to give it the benefit of a trawl. The feeling that followed can only be described as love. Chris Onstad's world is so quirky and often funny, yet the tragedy and pointlessness of life is directly in the forefront. The strip started out somewhat unfocused, relying mainly on non-sequitors for humor. As soon as the first major plot-arcs started hitting, however, two main characters emerged. Roast Beef Kazanzakis, the kind of cat who speaks in mainly small fonts. He owns a million T-shirts with slogans like "Who sucks? (Me, I do)" but would never wear them in public. His best friend, Ray Smuckles, is the cat who wears a golden medallion that belonged to the Inca god of fun. Ray is the cat who sold his soul to gain amazing piano skills, then used them only to get rich enough that he'd never have to work again. Now that he can just sit back and drink his days away, he no longer "tickles the ivories". Roast Beef is the kind of cat who had to die and go to Heaven before he found love. He's the kind of cat who went to Hell to save Ray from his own mistakes. He has consistently been the guy who's got his best friend's back, no matter how much stupid trouble Ray gets himself in.

So when the latest plot-arc, "The Great Outdoor Fight" started, we all went nuts. Roast Beef was no longer only going to watch! He was going to enter the fight, so that he could advise Ray on how to win, from the inside. Beef would be there to pull Ray's guts out of the fire again, and help him to win the competition. Ray would win, sure, but we know him. His victory would be nothing more than another conquest in a series of meaningless conquests. He has never had to fight for anything he wanted. Ray has always had so much that anything he has given has been from his excess. We all knew that Beef was there to support and coach Ray, not to win the fight for himself. We all knew that Beef and Ray would have to face off at some point. We all knew that Beef deserved to win that fight more than Ray, ancestry or no. We knew the lesson that Ray would have to learn about friendship, and were genuinely excited to see his character develop.Weds puts it the best in her initial snark on the plot:

"So, Beef is taking Ray to destiny. Beef is telling Ray how to do this thing. But there will come a time on the third day when all this has to come apart, and Ray does not learn well. Ray forgets the lessons that his shadow hands him. The son of Rodney Leonard Stubbs is a coward who would desert a dying man. God only knows if that coward can fight his best friend."
We all knew what it would come down to. In Eric's masterpiece on the plot he took a different spin:

"That's what it will all come down to. Only I'm beginning to think that the cowardly act would be to abandon Beef on the battlefield -- to abandon a friend that Ray was once willing to give a lung to. Whose blood will be on the Son of Rodney's hands at the end of the Great Outdoor Fight?"
He took a different spin on it than Weds, but it was the same concept. We all knew the lesson in friendship that Ray would have to learn or fail at come the Third Day. Then, today we learn that Beef has been KO'ed while Ray was in his drunken nap. Beef is out of the fight!

Chris Onstad has quickly turned our expectations on their head and left us guessing. We no longer know exactly what lesson Ray must learn at the end of this, nor even is Beef is alive or in Heaven (for the third time... or is it fourth?). That makes it all the more exciting to see. Like Jeph Jaques' latest arc, this story will probably prove to be a definitive moment in the entire plot. And, also like Jeph, Chris Onstad is a man who knows how to craft an exciting plot and keep us all coming back for more. Sometimes in the world of webcomics criticism, we can start to think that we know the mind of the author better than they do. This is exactly the kind of hubris that Eric has been ranting about in his latest post, and some of those authors take it upon themselves to turn our expectations on their heads

.All I can say is: I'm geeked.

Midterms

This semester, so far, has been an auspicious one academically speaking.

First off: out of nowhere, I suddenly got the motivation to start doing my Honors reading! (It was actually probably from being called out on not re-reading the Song of Roland) I am still not doing the reading for /all/ of my classes, but it is generally not necessary. I must say though, as satisfying as it has been to just BS my way through Honors without reading for about the past year, it is also very intellectually satisfying, and even enjoyable, to know what the person actually said and to hold an educated opinion on it.

Secondly: I studied (approx 30-60min) for my Logic midterm and aced it.Thirdly: I studied (15-30min?) for my Epistomology midterm and aced it.

Fourthly: I studied (approx 90min) for my Mariology midterm and, with the redemptive grace merited by Christ and through the intercession of His mother, proceeded to kick it firmly in the teeth. It is now, of course, only 7 minutes since I finished the exam, but I believe that I gave each of the essays the best answer that I could, and potentially the best answer that /could/ be given. So, while I have not yet received the grade, I am pretty confidant that I did well! I went in there feeling heck of stressed and unprepared, so this is quite a weight lifted. LJBH, I feel pretty straight-up euphoric."

And that's all I have to say about that..."

It's Been a While

I think I have enough for a couple of posts right now... I may have to just leave most of it until tomorrow. Actually, it's jinxing myself to specify a day. So I will leave it until the ultra-ambiguous "later".

I pretty much woke up in noise-overload today. You know, that mood I get where I feel like I've been around people/noise too much and just want to curl up inside. Maybe you don't know... it's an introvert thing. But anyways... I'm not sure how much of the day I actually spent alone, but by dinner I was rocking back and forth, which is a habit that I had mostly lost. I pretty much wanted to spend this evening alone, but I ended up watching the first half of Braveheart with some kids anyways. I left half-way through because I just didn't feel like being around a lot of people, and I got some news that a brother was having a hard day.

(Fast forward: the previous section was written approx. 12:30AM. Everything after here is written after several hours spent being with a brother in need. Post resumes starting at 3:16AM)

So yeah. I've been thinking a lot recently. I think /very/ slowly and it generally takes me at least twice as long to come to conclusions as other people just because I have an innate tendency against closing off an issue. I always need to "keep the file open in case more evidence shows up", or something. As a result, often when I have to make a decision I'm likely to move slowly and methodically, waiting until I'm sure before I start to act. Sometimes this factors into God's plans better than others. There are many times when He just says "Jump" and I know that I have to, then spend a while afterward figuring out why.

All I knew when I broke up with her was that this relationship just wasn't the right thing, that she wasn't "the One". I had no idea why, though I had vague theories. Just like when God told me not to go to Oestereich, I had no real idea why but several vague theories. God said "You've been mulling this over for long enough, I told you a week ago for sure that it wasn't right and you've still taken a week to 'discern' that. Jump." And I did! It was heck of awkward, but I always knew it was the right thing to do. However, every week that we have spent apart since has lent new perspective to the situation. I see now why/where we were not compatible in several key areas, mainly centering on the fact that we never really /clicked/. It started out pretty forced, all well and good, but it never entirely moved on from "I'm in this relationship because hey, she's a good person and I'm a good person and maybe we can make something work!" In the end it just stayed a case of two good people on two different pages. I realize now how vital it is to me to have someone that I can talk to. I don't just mean in terms of "inner-deepies". I mean, I told her all/most of the stuff that you only tell that "special someone". It isn't really that hard for me to open up to people, unless they're immature. What I mean is someone who draws me out of myself in conversation, and we just never really had enough in common for that to work out.I told myself initially that just because she wasn't /really/ into literature or philosophical discussion was no reason why a relationship couldn't work out. And I'm sure that's correct in many cases. I certainly don't want to be some prick who only dates a girl if she's "on his level of intellect". However, one of the things that I've discovered about myself through this is that I need someone that I can just sit down with and have a long, purely hypothetical discussion about anything from life-perspective to insignificant philosophical points. And I need her to be able to match me, point for point. Heck, it would be great if she could beat the pants off of me! It's not even that we couldn't talk about life-perspective or important issues in personality or our relationship. In those scenarios, she certainly held her ground and we never found any issue that we couldn't talk through. It's just that so much of how I /think/ and relate to people is bound up in these casual sorts of conversations that having a disinterested party, or even an amused but purely spectator-role person just... I don't know. It just doesn't fit. There's a whole part of me there that is neglected or simply channeled onto my guy-friends (who could certainly never be /replaced/ by a woman, but also could never legally marry me).

So I guess that this is part of what being in a relationship is about. Learning about yourself, I mean. Tonight, I told him: "Look, if you can say that you are in a better place now than you were when you started the relationship, then maybe the whole thing was worth it, even if it didn't last." He said he wasn't so sure if it was all that much better now than it was. I told him, "Give it a week or two. You just need some perspective."