A Long-Awaited Update! (For Joe and my parents)

This update is for those who wish I would update more.

You Are 24% Democrat

You're a bit Democrat, and probably more liberal than you realize.If you're still voting Republican, maybe it's time that you stop.

How Democrat Are You?

You Are 44% Republican

You aren't a full fledged Republican yet, but it's probably the party that fits you best.You probably consider yourself an independent Republican. You usually support the party, but you also think for yourself!

How Republican Are You?

I didn't vote this year. I totally forgot to register for an absentee ballot. Oh well. I am currently listening to Michael Sauter's pretty-much completed first movement of his first symphony. It is pretty fantastic, let me tell you. It's 13 megs, or I would email it to each and every one of you.

It is very interesting to read through all of the old household documents and realize where we have come/fallen/risen from. I am/have been working on a revision of our Lord's Day. I need to just start writing. :)

Hesychia,

-L

"Holy Diver, you've been down too long in the midnight sea..."

Just got back from the Tuesday Night "P&W". My first time going this semester, but I decided I should give it a chance this semester as well. It really is different each semester. Anyways, I was still kind of in a Force One or Two Wig-Out on the Harburg Scale, which is down from my high of 4 today and certainly down from a solid 9 yesterday, so I wasn't really feeling like going. But I decided to anyways and God surprised me. It was actually pretty darn solid worship. Not quite to the level of Man Praise (which, I realized I haven't written about yet, but it was frickadiculous) but really... /nothing/ can beat over 30 men praising together. That's why I love the Christ the King Men's Retreat in February. Maybe some of the other guys from Ann Arbor will go back with me this year...

So anyways... I guess the news is that God loves me. Um... nothing /new/ exactly, but just as earth-shattering as the first day I heard Him say it. Yeah...

"Oh what's becoming of me..."

-L

"Sitting here watching you sitting here watching me sitting here watching you..."

So, it's been a while. I'm not even going to try to sum up all of the things that have been going on. School has been fairly easy and even pretty interesting so far. This weekend has been a little tiering seeing as I have two three-page papers due at 1PM on Monday. But I already have the first one done and most of the quotations for the second one so... hopefully I can dash it off in the couple of hours I have tomorrow morning.

Last Monday, Odin led Meditation on St. Francis' Meditation on the Our Father. That was pretty profound. It was kind of one of those "God Coincidences" because I have definitely been meditating a lot on the Our Father ever since late summer. Everyone generally has a member of the Trinity that they're most comfortable relating to God as, and conversely many people have a person of the Trinity that they are less comfortable thinking of God as or praying to. My "less comfortable relating to" person is definitely the Father so I have been meditating on that a lot in an attempt to improve in that area. It has been super-fruitful so far. Maybe I'll write more about that later, maybe you can just ask me if you see me. Anyways, the main thing that has struck me over the past couple months is how Christ taught the disciples the Our Father not in response to the question "Lord, teach us a prayer" but rather "Lord, teach us how to pray". Therefore, the Our Father is not so much "a prayer" as it is a guide to the prayerful heart. It should form the background to every prayer that we say, forming our attitudes for approaching our Ever-loving Father. In keeping with my "theme" (I guess you could call it that?) of total surrender to God's will, the lines that struck me the most were, "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven" and just how essential it is that those lines be behind every prayer that I say. Because, honestly, if the Lord answers that one then we're alright. No matter what.

I wrote another poem on Friday morning in adoration. I'm not sure it's anything too profound, but it's an issue that I think about every now and then. Just sort of the issue of loving things/people other than God (as much as anything that He created can be /other/ than Him). Yeah, I pretty much always end up on the side of "Well, you can't go wrong with love, so long as it's actual love!" I couldn't think of a good title for the longest time, so I just titled it after the Bible verse that inspired it. Just an FYI for those following along at home, it refers to the verses as they appear in the Douay-Rheims. I think some Bibles have it a verse off. Go here for that reference, in any case.

Ecclesiastes 5:17-19 -9/15/06

Oh Lord, I love the world around me much,

And not just simply as a type of You

Nor as a metaphor for what You do.

I love the good I see, and it as such.

Is this akin to rabbit loving hutch,

Instead of He who built the shelter there,

And do I in this love of creatures err?

Should I despise embraces for Your touch?

No, rather let the ox partake of grain

And let the laborer enjoy his wage

(Though I am so unworthy of my pay),

Nor should I from the gifts You give refrain.

I do not think that one could find a sage

Who’d say, “If you love Light then hate the day.”

I should have been asleep 30 minutes ago, but I'm just leaving to take a shower right now. Oh well... after tomorrow's over I can sleep easier.

"I'm waiting for something that is too real..."

-L

"Can we try for right now, free of doubt. If you give the chance I could try and figure out..."

So, today was a pretty big day! It was the Household Olympics! Although they are held every year, this was actually my first time participating. Freshman year, I didn't really care enough about households to go "compete" in their name. Then last year, I was working all day Saturday. So I wasn't sure if I'd like it or not.

There was a costume contest associated with the Olympics that we didn't participate in because we basically didn't have any feasible ideas. So we skipped that part. We had an awesome team though. There were probably about five brothers on it, and seven freshmen. They were all pretty-much from Thomas' smallgroup, which was awesome. They are a great group of kids, and it is really encouraging to see them take an interest in household. For the rest of the day though (well... for three hours at least) we ran around competing in various events. The highlights of the Olympics were:

-creaming the Living Stones in a tug-of-war. I mean, seriously. We had them down in two pulls.

-doing pretty awesome at the stocking-head battle. It really can't be explained any better than that, except perhaps to clarify that the stockings were actually pantyhose.

-beating the record at the egg-toss. We only beat it by one foot in the recorded match, but we hit the highest marker they had set up (four more feet out) several times while we were practicing.

-losing a fearsome tug-of-war match to Foot of the Cross. We were at a standstill for seriously, like, five minutes before some of our unshod members started slipping and we lost. But it was still awesome.

So, yeah. After the Olympics we went straight into Lord's Day and pretty much all the kids who were on our team came. Most of them, it was their second Lord's Day with us, because they went with Thomas during Orientation Week. They are a pretty solid group of guys, and I am really glad to see that they love the campus and love the idea of households. It seems like each successive year is getting more and more excited about households, though I could be wrong. It is really encouraging though. Yeah.

So there was a FOP tonight, but I didn't go. After my pretty awesome talk with Anthony Muse on the way to the coordinator's retreat (he is the FOP Music Team co-leader this year, and has pretty much the same vision for FOPs as I do. i.e., less introspective/healing oriented stuff and more focus on God and praising Him) I really do intend to go to at /least/ one FOP this semester, if not many. But tonight I was pretty tired and just wanted to sit around. So after brushing off the usual "You don't want to go to the FOP? Are you feeling alright?", I read about 5 pages of Erasmus and played a good deal of Call of Duty 2 with the fellas. All-in-all a pretty fun evening, but there is actually still more.

See, lured by the promise of "free pizza", I threw on my Hawaiian shirt and went to the "Caribbean Party" in the JCWC after the FOP. So it turned out that the pizza cost $1/slice, so I bought two anyways. The rest of the evening was spent hanging out with first Thomas, Ken and JP because I came with them, then hanging out with Claire and Tina because Tina is down here visiting for the weekend, and it had been a while since I'd talked to her, then hanging out with Liz and Phil because well... the former is always a good time, and I haven't talked to Phil in quite some time either. So all in all a very successful social evening. :)

But indeed, I am not done yet! On my way back to the dorm, I met Nate, who informed me that SOL was inducting three girls tonight. So we gathered together all our art skills/strange, sad little minds and pumped out some construction-paper signs. There were actually some pretty darn good ones in there. So yeah: Maria Bagel, Littledorf and Annagall are all in SOL now. That's kind of fun. We all went over and hung out with them after we put the signs up on the Bagel/dorf door. That was fun as well. It had been a while since I had hung out with the sisters, but they are always a bundle of fun. Christa was there (well, I mean, of course... why wouldn't she be?) and, although we never exchanged a single word the entire time, somehow it wasn't really awkward for one of the first times since last February. At least, it didn't feel awkward to me. And... I dunno. That's kind of big. It made me happy...

Anyways. God moves in really incredible ways. I went to confession to Fr. Conrad yesterday, and my spirits have been lifted ever since. God works His plan of salvation so beautifully in my life, and all that I have to do is wait for His signal to act. There are so many things that I don't know, but I find my only certainty in this: that the loving Father is watching over me.

"I'm kind of scared because I don't know how.

But I'm watching the close calls and catching my breath now."

-L

"Well you are worth more than the man I am, sad and in love..."

I wrote something tonight. I think the idea came to me yesterday. It is based off of one of Aesop's Fables, though I admit to having entirely recontextualized it. I haven't put it on the website yet, partially because Geocities is blocked by the Internet here, and partially because I am still somewhat uncertain as to whether I should put it in a relatively well-established section, or use it to start a new one altogether. But I guess that's really what the poem's about in the first place...

Anyways, a sonnet. Strange semi-Spenserian, semi-Shakespearian rhyme-scheme. The title is the ephemeral "fifteenth line" that I really wish I could have included, but alas: my desire to write sonnets precludes that desire.

"... The Answer That You Give, I Will Attend" -9/1/06

Oh tell me, Phoebus, this I have in hand

And trembling keep thus clutched unto my breast

So long without the sun and without rest

Is there a hope that it has strength to stand

Much less attempt the flight it does demand?

This bird, oh Phoebus, underneath my cloak

That flaps its wings to hear your shining name

Is its small heart too strong for me to tame?

Its quivering wings too strong to e'er be broke,

Except perhaps by any word you spoke?

This question, Phoebus, does on you depend:

Does this small life deserve to live or end?

"Marking miles of martyrs

Of better men, of better men than me

And I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how"

-L

"So this is my goodbye, surprised 'cause I thought I could walk you home tonight..."

So I don't figure that anyone else is really going to be updating their LiveJournals much now that we're back at school. However, as I told Claire, I do have a somewhat small audience at home, so I guess I still have a reason to write.

The past week and a half (or whatever) has been heck of hectic. I haven't gotten more than 8 hours of sleep in any one night, and a couple times quite a bit less. It has generally been a period with relatively little free-time and always something that you have to do. On the other hand, it has been pretty awesome. For some reason, every Orientation Week that I do seems to be showered with grace, and this past "week" was no different.

The coordinators' retreat was really great. It was one of the best weekends that I've had in a while, and blossomed into quite a cool week. It was great to meet all of the coordinators from the various households and to discover what God was doing in and through them. It is so easy sometimes to get tunnel-vision in that regard and forget that God moves outside of your own little life. So it was great to meet new people, and to hang out with Liz and Susanna. The talks were, for the most part, quite good and inspirational.

The "OT" training week itself was a little bit boring. Hanging out with people was definitely the highlight seeing as the talks were /very/ plentiful and often got a little repetitious. Still some good stuff though, and definitely some fun lunchtimes/dinners/late-night Walmart runs.The new freshmen on wing are really solid. I was somewhat disappointed not to get a small-group this year, but have been hanging out with Thomas' small-group enough to make up for not having one. I was afraid that they might be the kind of kids who just stay inside their rooms and make you come tell them "Look, hang out with us! Come eat with us!" but they really aren't. Of course, it helps that we are often pretty loud and in the hallway, but hey: that is our charism. So yeah, these kids have a lot of potential.

Friday night, Claire and I stayed up until 3:30AM smorking a cigar and having a much-needed "so, what have you been up to in the past year" conversation. It is always good to hear how God is working in someone else's life, and to get their take on your own current experiences. I dunno. It was really enjoyable, and I think that's all I'll say about that.

Today was no less action-packed than the rest of the week. A very enjoyable brunch was eaten, after which Reez and I hung out in Trinity for a bit. She wanted to play a board-game so we rounded up 6 people for a game of Clue (which is an awesome game). It turned out to be the shortest Clue game ever, clocking it at probably 15-20 minutes, but it was very fun. After that, I went to the "Dinner for 12 Strangers" with Thomasino's small-group. There were three small-groups (a little over 30 people) there, so it was kind of packed, but it was fun. Justice Gibson and Katie Patton were both there from the Marian group, so I was not the only kid to tag along. Plus: I got to show off my double-jointed shoulders in the "get to know you" part of it. After that, Thomas and I were going to watch 28 Days Later with Cory (a kid from his small-group), who had never seen it, but I guess he disappeared off to the Ice Cream Social. So we raided DVDan's movie collection and found one that Thomas assured me I should see: Dog Soldiers. It is a thriller about this small group of soldiers being hunted by a pack of werewolves. It was pretty darn good, and not just "for a horror B-movie". Some pretty creative problems and solutions, which is pretty much the core of any horror/thriller movie. After that we dashed off to the last showing of the Orientation Week play (called "Supressed Desires"). It was a very funny comedy about Freudian psychoanalysis. Quite good. Now, I am tired, and totally ready for bed.This has been a very interesting past couple weeks, internally. I don't know. God seems to be leading me in some interesting directions, and I have great hopes for this new semester. The strangest part about it being that I am more at peace now than I have been in a long time, certainly in comparable situations. Or at least, I am most of the time. The past half-week or so has reminded me of how much our past still affects us, even when we think we've left it behind. This semester has almost more potential than any other to be /really/ tough, but I pray that my irrational fears prove insignificant in God's plan and that any struggles that He sees fit to give me may be opportunities for great grace. I can barely keep my eyes open.

"But you're leaving me here on the defense... [to give up now doesn't make much sense]"

-L

"He was skilled at capturing a feeling that most of us just miss..."

So, I can't believe that I forgot to mention this in the previous entry, but there has been a slight tragedy. I will no longer have a car next year at school. It had been making a scraping noise about 1/3rd of the time when you turn slightly left, so we took it into the shop. The guy said it's the brakes, and we need to replace them for $1,200. Which there is no way we're doing for a $3,500 car. So, yeah. No car next year. It's a bit of a relief knowing I won't have to pay for a parking permit or gas though. And hey, I survived two years without a car anyways. I can still just mooch rides. **shrugs** What can I say... snakes on a plane, I guess.

Anyways, speaking of which: SNAKES ON A PLANE. It was really funny. It was pretty darn funny. If you go into it expecting something other than an over the top movie where the premise is funnier than any of the actual lines, you'll be mislead. It is not funny in that they are quipping one-liners back and forth. In fact, the situation is taken quite seriously by most of the characters. It's the rediculousness of this situation, however, that is funny. It also went way further into the whole triller/horror aspect than I thought it would. I guess I figured it would downplay that side of the movie based on the number of people going to see it purely for the cheese factor. But there are some pretty jumpy/freaky scenes, and some pretty graphic snakebites. For that matter, there is also one rediculously graphic sex-scene which ends, of course, with the amorous couple being bitten by a snake. This movie, as a sort of self-consciously cheesy 80's horror flick, almost requires that sort of scene. This is, however, the start of a five-minute period in which, almost /systematically/, every single erogenous zone is bitten by a snake. You can just imagine the director checking them off on a clipboard or something. So, that whole part was a bit out of control. Ed said that it was "the Wrath of God being revealed unto the fornicators!", which Aaron loved. On the whole: I loved the movie. At least half of it was probably the late night with a bunch of guy friends on opening day, but I would be willing to see it again.

Anyways, after that we headed back to the condo and just chilled for a bit. Kind of my "last night in town". I still have not /actually/ started packing. I cleaned my room/put away all my clothes today, which will make it easier to pack tomorrow. It just doesn't seem real. Not so much the "going back to school" thing, but definitely the "packing all of my belongings" thing. I dunno. We'll see what this next year brings... here's hoping for grace and blessings.

"The simple pain of living with goodbyes on our lips..."

-L

"It's not you... It's just the fact that lives come together, They fade apart..."

A short update tonight before I get to bed. Though I've noticed that even when I intend a short post, it sometimes ends up on the longish side... "c.f." the last post. This week has kind of worn me out, no matter how short it was. And there is plenty to do before it's over. Like, packing. Which, actually, never takes as long as I think it will. So: we have confirmed Snakes on a Plane tickets for tomorrow at 10PM! I'll let y'all know how it is. I am trying to think of some way that I can dress up for the movie... I don't have any snake-costumes. I'm thinking of face-painting snake-eyes on my eyelids. I just feel like doing something fun for my last Ann Arbor fling... Guess what? I found the first CD I ever bought today! I know! It was probably from like, 6th grade. I didn't buy another CD until late 8th grade. But this one was quite a fun find! It's "The Best of James Bond: 30th Anniversary Collection"! Essentially, every Bond theme-song from Dr. No through Diamonds are Forever. Not only does it have a couple tracks on there that are heck of solid ("All the Time in the World" by Louis Armstrong), but it out-nostalgias even most of my "nostalgia" CDs! So yeah. I am pretty geeked to have found that, and I've been listening to it tonight (well, I've moved on now, but I listened to the whole thing once through already... and ripped it to my computer). Also: a poem that I wrote a couple of nights ago. I was considering expanding it, but I'm not sure if I will, so I guess I'll just post it up. It just seems kind of short is all. It is written in a core of dactylic trimeter again. Realize that it is a rough draft, I guess, but feel free to give input/output. Heck, I'm not sure what to title it! So, for now, I present: "Untitled - 8/13/06" Under a streetlamp where two dark roads meet I clearly can see what lies under my feet Though darkness on all sides surrounds me I cannot determine the length of the journey Nor what sort of life each road has at its end I know only that I am here at the crossroads And that I must choose a path ere I begin. "And [leave] pure remnants of an unsure bond. Perhaps we trust too much in this invisible thread to move on..." -L

"Tonight, tonight I'm feelin real good, feelin just about right!"

So, I have a good deal of "last week" things that I could write about. However, I'm pretty tired (I say that /every/ entry) and need to get to bed. So I will probably do a "last week" bullet-point update at some point. For now, dear readers, content yourselves with a brief synopsis of today's mentionable points.

Claire Gilligan had been crossing my mind for some reason the past few days. As usual, being pretty horrible at "getting in touch" with people, I did nothing but think: "Oh, it might be nice to see her in a few days...". However, this afternoon she took a quick break from her frantic packing and we talked for what must have been a few hours. That was probably the highlight of my day. I was glad.

Also, with Ms. Gilligan in mind as I went to fill up my car with gas (it was on empty), I paused to reflect on the fact that she isn't allowed to pump her own gas. This "bringing to mind" of the Gilligan, the actualizing of the superactual reality of knowing Claire, if you will, was further accentuated by the fact that, as I drove up to the station, someone drove off with the hose still in their tank, resulting in it being pulled off of the pump. It detached quite neatly, so I think there was a safety mechanism. That scene from Garden State just sprung to mind though, and seeing as New Jersey is the Garden State, and also seeing as we watched Garden State at Claire's house, Spring Break of this year was brought to mind. Good times. Spring Break had already been mulled over the past day or so due to me having to reface several revelations/convictions that I had over that break. Don't you love it when you're like, "Ah yeah... I was going to work on that, wasn't I?"

Lest this illustrious medium become "The Gilligan Trackers' Digest" (not that that wouldn't be a worthy topic for a very creepy journal), I will mention a few non-Claire related events/thoughts of the day. Directly after I filled up the car, my dad and I went to Dairy Queen and got some ice-cream. I got a small chocolate cone dipped in cherry. I hadn't had that since at /least/ 8th grade, maybe 4th grade. But it was the unvarying standard of my youth. So it was good to relive those childhood days. It still tasted pretty excellent.

Also: I went to 7:30PM Mass today. Happy Feast of the Assumption. I sat next to Aaron, Ed and Bobby, which provided for some hilarious times during the course of the liturgy (e.g. Aaron's voice totally giving out as he stretched for a high note during a song, the very amusing Sign of Peace between Aaron and I). After Mass, Fr. Ed was mass-inducting people into the Brown Scapular. My dad and I had never done it, so (on a semi-whim) we both did. It was something that had been put off for some time. I dunno. We'll see how that whole thing goes. Feels pretty good so far.

Last thing: Aaron, Ed and Bobby and I are probably going to go see "Snakes on a Plane" this Thursday at the midnight showing (this Friday, actually) when it opens. I'm not sure if Ed got the tickets yet, but he was supposed to buy them today. I am quite looking forward to it. I think that my expectations for the movie are accurate (which always makes movies more enjoyable) and it is quite an appropriate cultural event to attend before descending once more to the cultural void of Steubenville.

"Today, today anything goes with me..."

-L

"Someday I'll show you a place: a monster-free Tokyo!"

I feel like maybe I should share with you some of the treasures that I have been discovering recently. Some of them are similar, but all of them are excellent.

1) http://www.wefeelfine.org/

This site is an interactive Flash programme that looks for the phrase "I feel" in blogs worldwide and grabs the sentence it's in, so that you can see how people all across the Internet are feeling. Put it on "Murmurs" in the lower left to simply have a scrolling list of the sentences rather than the trippy-yet-cool floating-dot interface. And, even better, when the sentence scrolls by, clicking on it opens up the post that it's from! This is definitely for those of you who cherish moments of connexion with complete strangers.

2) http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com

PostSecret is probably one of the best things I've ever heard of. It is a fascinating mix between community art, sociological research and psychological research/therapy. The idea is: you take a postcard. You write a secret on it that you have never told anyone else and decorate it however you want. You mail it in to that address and they will post certain ones (he can't post /all/ of them) on the blog every Sunday. The most unfortunate part about this whole thing is that he doesn't keep an archive! That makes me sad, but fortunately everyone on the Internet saves their favorites to disc so doing a Google Image Search on "Postsecret" yields thousands of results. They also have at least one book out. You can get it on Amazon (I don't think I will, but still...) As with above, this is awesome for people who love communal art, psychology and feeling moments of connexion with complete strangers. It is always a jolt when you read your own secret that you've never told someone, in another person's handwriting, on a postcard you've never seen before.

3) Graffiti Art

One of the websites I found starts with this line: "If you want an audience--Start a fight." That's kind of what graffiti is all about. I have a thing for public art. We just don't have any anymore! All of our art is in museums, and the only art that still speaks are the old pieces that (due to their universality) still have relevence to "the human condition". Most modern art exists only in museums and says /nothing/. It is seen only by art critics, who then either create meaning for it, or glory in its lack of meaning. Anyways, enough ranting on that. My point is that I love it when graffiti transcends the simple "Kilroy wuz here" taggers and moves in to fill up that slot of poignant, meaningful, colorful art that is lacking in our everyday life. I think that this piece says it best, and is in fact currently my desktop. So, yeah. I have been searching the Internet for cool graffiti art, with success. I should learn how to use spray-paint. I dunno... I'm not advocating vandalism... Just, yeah.

So anyways, that's what I've been doing with my time recently, instead of posting on LiveJournal. My last day of work is Wednesday, which is going to be a half-day anyways because I need to get a chip in my tooth filled. So, the end approaches. It somehow seems too soon. I am pretty blitzed, so I think I'll go to bed. Soon...

"And our footsteps will be light, the future will be bright!"

-L

"And I said that you must do what is right. And I know you must do what's best for you."

So here is my nutshell summary of my trip to Canada. I put it off (once again) too late at night, so I am kind of tired, but if I don't write it now, I doubt I ever will.So I drove up there Friday evening, leaving at about 5:45PM. The drive was just under 3 hours and went without incident. The customs guy at the border rapid-fired some questions at me, just to make sure my story didn't fall apart under questioning, but he seemed to be satisfied with the "visiting a friend from college" excuse. So pretty much as soon as I got there, Pinne, his girlfriend Julie and his friend Ian and I all went to see Talledega Nights (Ian was quite geeked for it, and sprung for the tickets). It was pretty standard Will Ferrell comedy, so far as I'm concerned, by which I mean: hit and miss. Some parts were pretty funny, other parts just fell completely dead. Some stuff is clever, some stuff is straight up medio-core (or: mXc). On the one hand, it was cleaner than Anchorman; on the other hand, it was less funny. So, **shrugs** See it if you want. I'd wait until it's at the dollar-theatre, myself.

After that, we cruised the town, having some fun in what is apparently the norm there. This involved shouting random things such as "Hey!" or "Smokers are jokers!" out the window at people who were just standing there. We also pranked fast food drive-thrus. This involved Pinne or Ian attempting to order items that were not on the menu (such as the "Hot Turkey Jam Packet") in a quick, mumbled voice and driving off once they asked us to come to the front window. I took a spectator role and merely absorbed the culture. After that, we went home and went to bed at about 4:30AM.

Saturday morning started at 11AM with a breakfast of cereal, and just chillin/showering until early afternoon. At that point, we headed to Pinne's church, which was about 30 minutes away, stopping to pick up Julie on the way. Fr. Graham had booked us to do music for two weddings in a row. Both weddings were "in-and-out" affairs. One couple had requested that their ferret be ringbearer, and were denied. The other couple had their 3-year-old daughter present, and gave her a ring too at that part of the ceremony. The weddings were decently attended, but we three (kings of orient) were the only ones who gave the responses. So perhaps the family that was pressuring them to get married in the Church weren't that Catholic themselves? Who knows... I just figure, hey: God works with what faith we've got. I'm sure He'll bless them as much as they let Him, and marriage is certainly a step.

So after that we went to Julie's house and hung out there for a while until we were invited for dinner. We went out into their corn-field and picked some corn to replenish their road-side stand, then took the day-old corn for eatings. We grilled chicken on their crazy grill and ate it. After that, we hung around her house a bit more, then went Cosmic Mini-Golfing, which was a new experience to me. Apparently it exists up in Canada though. It is essentially minigolf inside, in the dark, lit only by ultraviolet lights. The walls were painted with a bunch of ultraviolet animals, so that looked pretty coo. Julie's little sister and I were on a team, and we ended up winning, which was fun. After that, we did 5-Pin Bowling (another Canadian specialty) in the same building! It involves only 5 pins, and a much smaller ball that one chucks down the aisle rather than sticking your fingers in it. I followed my traditional bowling pattern: starting off strong, faltering near the middle and falling headlong on my face three inches from the finish line. But it was fun!

After that we took a snack break at the DQ, then went drive-thru pranking again before we dropped the girls off at their house. This time, I took three of the drive-thrus, and had a lot of fun asking them if the turkey-bacon sandwiches were kosher, if the Burger Specials were free-range beef, and which way they stirred the coffee. Then Pinne and I went out drinking. You have the summary of alcohol consumed by me (see two posts down). Be assured, if you are the sort of person who worries about that kind of thing, that neither Pinne nor I was anywhere near "hammered". We were quite lucid and had no trouble speaking or thinking. The only irregularity you might have noticed was our sudden obsession with heel-toe walking every straight line we encountered. We did this flawlessly. Anyways, those fears out of the way, I will proceed to a short synopsis of the evening. We started at about 12/12:30AM by walking (so we didn't have to worry about driving at the end of the night) 10 minutes to a comfortable drinking establishment named Crabby Joe's. There we sat in a booth, ate peanuts, and drank most of our drinks. We were alone in the bar, and had quite a good time. At one point, this woman came up to Pinne, sat next to him and said, "Hi, I work here, and I've been having a really crappy night. I was just down at Koolz (the hippest new club in town) for a party, and it was all full and happenin, then I come back here and it's empty except for you guys. I'm pretty hammered now, but anyways. I just need to know: do you guys like it here? Was the service good? Will you come again?" we assured her that we loved it, etc. and she said, "Good, that's all I wanted to know" and left. On our way home, Pinne proposed that we check out Koolz, so we did. We bought the last drink on the list and stood around watching the dance floor. It was pretty much too loud to talk. It was interesting, because it was not really that young of a crowd. Not exactly your "party scene". We had a good reflection on "the culture" based on this experience, though, and left. Upon arriving home at about 1:30, we talked to Mrs. Pinne for a while, then when she went to bed, we channel-surfed and web-browsed. We happened upon Goldeneye (excellent movie) on TV and watched it for a bit until I started dropping off and declared that we should go to bed. That was around 3:30AM.

Sunday morning also started at about 11AM. Pinne's grandma made us a large breakfast of eggs, toast and bacon. It was da-fishes! I was stuffed! After that, we hung around the house a bit and showed each other various hilarious YouTube videos. Then we left at about 4PM for LifeTeen music practice. Pinne is a regular there, but I was kind of sprung upon them. Pinne brought his djembe and I rocked that out for the duration of Mass. It was my first public djembe performance, and first ever Mass-played, but regardless I had a pretty good time. I have been meaning to buy a djembe for a while so I can play at Steubenville... maybe I will someday.

After Mass I said my goodbyes and left for home at about 7:30PM. I expected to arrive back at about 10/10:30PM, but I got stuck at the bridge for TWO HOURS. The line up to the bridge was an hour, then it took an hour to actually cross the bridge. Rediculous. So I finally got home at about 12:30AM and went to bed. So yeah. The trip was an absolute blast, and Monday was a spaced-out day at work...

In more current news: Randy and I, according to Randy's information, have both made the newest cut of Survivor: TRW Factory. That makes about the 3rd cut I've survived, and the 5th that he has. We are the champions, my friends! We'll keep on packing 'til the end! (which is one week from today! Horray!) So yeah. Maybe I will tell you about some of the people who /didn't/ make the cut. You kids already heard about Shanna, but there is at least one other kid who bears mentioning. Sorry this entry is so long and late. Yeah. It should have been more effusive, but it was my bedtime 30 minutes ago. If you live in Ann Arbor, I want to see you one more time before I leave. If you go to Steubenville, I am excited to see you soon. If you live in Canada... well. I love you bro, and I'll see you again pretty soon.

"In our hearts, we must carry on."

-L

"When I'm at [work] it's like I'm dead..."

Sorry, you all will have to wait a little while longer for a synopsis of my Canada trip. Last night I was too tired to write it, and wasn't feeling too well. Tonight, I am too tired, and it is too late. So, hopefully tomorrow.

Have you ever had the experience where second-guessing God does absolutely /nothing/ other than make you anxious and impatient? Stop trying to ruin His surprises, dogg. Just stop it. But then again, you're pretty afraid that maybe there is no happy surprise for you, eh? That if you don't make it happen, it never will. Trust in the Lord always. I went to Fr. Victor for confession today and that is exactly the advice that he gave me. Trust in the Lord. Sometimes it is so easy.Work is starting to chafe a bit, in my final week. Partially the fact that the work is repetetive and boring, and the boss is being more strict now, mainly just the fact that I have to get up and spend 8 hours of my day in the same place and then have to go to bed by 10PM. Anyways, I am managing. I am coping. I am mainly torn between wanting work to be over, and wanting to hang out with my friends here before I leave. So, yeah. There's my conundrum. But I will make it through, one day at a time. I will survive... I will survive. As long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.

Also: I had a sweet idea for a rock-opera at work today, and started composing parts of it in my head. Unfortunately, I am musically void, so I would have to get Steve or someone to do the entire music part. Oh well, day-dreams at $9/hour.

"Then the weekend comes and I resurrect..."

-L

Last night, I swallowed liquor and a lighter, and this morning I threw up fire

1 pint of Guinness

1 tequila shot

1 shot of amaretto

1 Smirnoff Twisted Green Apple

I am feeling very good, and have been having a wonderful weekend. A full report follows when I return. Also: Pinne and I are watching TV, flipping channels. Goldeneye is on TV! AWESOME!

"But it's nothing new, I've been piecing it together, it's got something to do with [you]"

-L

It's not something I'd recommend, but it is one way to live...

Tomorrow is the last day of the week! I've almost made it! At about 5PM tomorrow, I will be on the road to the Frozen North, and by this time tomorrow I will have arrived at Pinne's house several hours ago. I am really looking forward to it, if you couldn't tell.

So there's this girl (the only girl, actually) at work. Um, I realize what that sentence sounds like the beginning of (there is only one sort of conversation that begins with the words "so there's this girl...") but... no, not at all. Anyways, she's 23 and has two kids, one 2-year-old and one 8-year-old (one of the hi-low drivers' comments: "That is /way/ too young to have an 8-year-old!" to which she said, "I know!"). So that puts the birth of her first child when she was 15 years old. The child's conception likely when she was 14. Wow. A life like that kind of blows my mind. What does it do to someone to be a parent that early? Not that she's /exceptionally/ mature because of it. The children live with their father, who she dated for 11 years (they are broken up now) but never married. He, referred to as "My baby (sic) daddy", is 30 years old now. This places him at the age of 21 at the conception of the first child. That is just... I'm not even going to touch that one. The coupe de grace: the reason for their breakup after 11 years of dating and two children was cited as "That nigga /crazy/!" -- Golly... y'think?!

Inci-dentally (hahaha... that pun will make sense in a second, I promise) this girl (who is fairly cheerful and considerate, actually) spent a couple minutes enthusing about my teeth and how perfect they are, and how much girls like good teeth on a guy. She was also quite impressed to hear that I've never had a cavity. So I guess... yeah. I've never put much thought into my "grill", but hey. A bit of an ego-booster, I guess. Of course this is the girl who spends every break obsessively filing her huge, shiny fingernails in an attempt to remove the dirt from them. So maybe she just has a thing for... heck, I don't even know what similarity to draw between teeth and fingernails! Vestigal self-defense tools, perhaps?

Anyways, it is kind of fun to get to know people who I probably wouldn't hang out with in any other situation. I love seeing where different people come from. Anyways, that's what college jobs are for: to convince you to stay in school!

"But what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is..."

-L

"So I scratch and scrape to find a reason to live in a God or a girl..."

I have not posted recently. This has been due to my rereading of Harry Potter frenzy. I am done now. In that vein: Happy Birthday to him. Yesterday was totally the little dude's birthday. Anyways. That said, I enjoyed them a lot more this time around. I dunno. I'm not a "fanboy" or anything... but I like them. Yeah, but this entry is kind of a random, catch-up-with-Luke thing. Also: anyone have any good books I can read now? Preferably books that grip you, rather than books that you enjoy having read once they're over. And: no Clive Cussler. I have a semi-irrational dislike for him.

So, it has been /really/ hot here recently. Just this week. It makes it extremely hard to work in, especially considering the fact that it has also been exceptionally humid. Breathing is like trying to breathe in water or something. 90-degree water. I went through about 70oz of water today and only had to pee a little bit, once. That's how much I sweat. Sweated? Tomorrow night it is supposed to cool off though so... here's hoping.

I have started to get kind of sick of my job by now. It is a bit boring, and no longer as lenient as it once was. So what's getting me through this week is the fact that I'm going to visit Pinne in Canada this weekend. That will be my blast of the summer. After that, the fact that my last day of work is August 17th will keep me going. Just a few more weeks, literally!

I have not really been thinking any deep thoughts or living any deep experiences recently. Just... making money, y'know? It is kind of sad, but that is life often enough. Lord... I'm just waiting for You. Whenever you want to surprise me, y'know...

On the one hand, I can't wait for school to start because my social life will sky-rocket (not that I won't really miss the fun times here at the condo...), on the other hand: do I want to write a paper? In other news -- Teddy Grahams: The Best Thing Ever?

"Oh I tried, I tried to abandon guilt and other things that don't exist..."

-L

She's like a hot cloth on a fevered head, and like a needle she leads me (well I follow like thread)

So. I've been home sick the past day and a half with some sort of 12-hour flu. It was nothing /nearly/ as severe as Arconti's Revenge. I only threw up twice, and the rest of the time has been quite relaxing! I have spent my time:

1) Reading like a fiend. It is sad that I only read when I am sick these days, but generally my Honors reading tires me out and I don't feel like touching any books the whole school year. But yeah, I am generally much happier when I'm reading a lot of stuff that I like. I decided, in my illness, to re-read the Harry Potter books. I have gotten through the first three since 6PM last night (about 350-430 pages each). I plan to start the fourth one as soon as my Mom brings it home from the Library, and may finish it tonight. Reez and I saw the latest two movies this summer (which were actually quite enthralling! I had only seen the first), and I had been wanting to reread the books so I could read the latest one. Generally my interest in Harry Potter has not gone beyond getting Potterheads all worked up by suggesting that Harry and Hermione should totally be going out, but they really are quite amusing books. I stand with my statement that they are not "Great Books", but reading them in sequence has given me more respect for JK Rowling. I think that she may have actually planned the books out in advance, because I keep finding little things mentioned that don't come to fruition until several books later. Anyways.

2) Watching movies. I saw Henry VIII, which was /excellent/. Very long, but well written and superbly acted. I am not sure how historically accurate it is, but it certainly seemed like a very nuanced take on the subject. I also watched Howl's Moving Castle. Now, I am not the Miazaki fanatic that Mr. Hottburg is, but I did quite enjoy Princess Mononoke. Nausicca was a little "meh", but yeah. Anyways, Howl's Moving Castle was at /least/ as good as Princess Mononoke! I think the main part that I liked was that it was hilarious. I usually find the Japanese sense of humor to be very... foreign? But yeah. It has some hilarious characters, and was a light-hearted yet meaningful story.

3) Drinking stuff that makes my teeth feel gross. I have little areas of OCD paranoia, and my grill is definitely one of them. I don't generally like to drink pop or really sweet stuff, but alas... what can you do?So. Back to work again tomorrow, then it will be the weekend! I think Aaron will unfortunately be gone (I missed a movie night due to illness, alas) but perhaps I will chill at the condo with Bobby and Ed anyways. :) I need some society.

"And I need more grace than I thought..."

-L

"Jonah, where's that boat going - Your ship set with eager sails?"

Dear undeserving beloved: nothing that we have is our own. None of our virtue or righteousness is ours by nature, but rather by mercy and gift. How merciful is our Father, who has forgiven us far more numerous than 70x7 times! How great a salvation, that comes not once but every moment! How humble should we be, His children, meek in our borrowed strength as only gratefulness can make us?

My dear undeservingly blessed: every blessing in our life: faith, hope and foremost LOVE comes from God, and not our own strength. How great must the Spring of All Blessings be, to birth such powerful tributaries in our hearts? How great was the gulf between God and man that He bridged with His body? How great is His love and mercy that He fills our hearts with Love Incarnate, His very self?

Dear undeservingly holy children: we are untouchable. The Adversary may surround our lives with evil, but he can never place a single speck of blame on our souls unless we reject our Father in favor of sin. Our hearts, longing for God, may nearly break when they see perversion and wickedness around us, but rejoice! Your loving Father has made our sufferings fertile with grace gained, and has redeemed even the grave!

Dear undeserving saved: allow yourselves a moment to feel the full weight of your debt to your Savior, so that it may blossom into gratitude, humility and love. Then entrust your day, your future, your whole life, death and final joy to the loving, capable hands that have already been pierced to save your soul from destruction. This is something that I do not do nearly often enough.

"No use, fishermen, in rowing from a consecrated whale!"

-L

Revolution is just a word, loses more each time it's heard

So yeah. I got a cell-phone this past weekend. The phone (which is really nice) was free as part of my mom & sister's upgrade deal, and it was only $10 to add someone new onto the family plan so... we went for it! This means I am one of four people on a 700minute/month plan, so it is mainly for calling other Verizon phones or after 9PM or on weekends. That said, I would love to hear from anyone who cares to give it a ring. The number is on my Facebook account, if you want it. I am assuming that pretty much everyone who reads this (it occured to me the other day that I have /no/ idea who actually reads this anymore) is a Facebook friend of mine, so you can get it there. So yeah, give me a call so I can add your number or talk to you or something.

Yeah. So we buried my grandpa this past weekend. All of the aunts and my cousin Cate (as well as the little cousins Joel and Jake, who are pretty coo) came into town for the last half of the week (they usually come into town for the Art Fair, which was this weekend, anyways). It was a noisy blast having them around, as always. I have (pretty awesome/funny) pictures up on Facebook. The sad part is: I missed the Art Fair completely. The whole family went on Friday, and we buried Grandpa on Saturday so... yeah. I missed it. I'm sure I'll get over it eventually, but the Art Fair is always a blast to go to, so it's a shame it slipped by it.

But anyways: the ceremony that we did for the burial (the funeral Mass had already been said a few months ago) was really good. It began with a quotation from a guy named Fr. Bede Jarrett (at first I was excited because I thought it was Venerable Bede, but I guess not) that was probably the most profound thing that I've ever heard about death:

Death is only an HorizonWe give them back to you, O Lord,who first gave them to us;and as you did not lose them in the giving,so we do not lose them in the return.Not as the world gives do you give, O Lover of souls.For what is yours is ours also, if we belong to you.Life is unending because love is undying, and the boundaries of this life are but an horizon,and an horizon is but the limit of our vision.
That pretty much wowed me. I really liked that. So anyways, yeah. I'm not sure I have anything else to say, really. I'm sure I'm forgetting /something/. Oh well.

"Won't mean a thing until it hurts! (Is anyone out there?)"

-L

Urban Hipster, the new gangster, frontin' by the club...

So yeah. Something that I realized is that, when I write (and even when I talk, often) I have difficulty saying what I'm feeling if I have somehow classified my feelings as "invalid" in that situation. I dunno, like if a friend unknowingly does something that hurts me, and they ask how I am, I am likely to say that I'm fine, because I really "have no right to be hurt" in that situation. And it's not like I keep that feeling inside and let it turn into bitterness or anything, I just refuse to acknowledge it and move on. It's a little weird.

On the plus side, that often keeps me far more positive and optimistic than I might otherwise be. See, the things that I /know/ in life are all mostly hopeful: that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me, that I am a sinner saved by love, etc. whereas sometimes I can /feel/ like a situation is hopeless or that I'm alone or something. Because I /know/ that feeling isn't an accurate representation of reality, I simply don't express it and instead generally speak only what I know to be true. I don't know, it was something I just noticed recently. Especially because this poem, while it is a pretty trusting, positive poem, embodies about a week of difficulty with those very things. So, rather than expressing those doubts and insecurities, I instead just choose to express the love that I know God has for me. I don't know. Anyways, it's another Spenserian sonnet. I'll get it on the website whenever I next update. I want a better title for it anyways.

This One Truth (Removes All Doubt) -7/19/06

Your ways are not my ways, nor any thought

Of mine is measurable to ought You think

Yet often I forget, from mystery shrink

Forsaking this, the wisdom You have taught:

That Peter did not know the death he sought

When he first said he would Your chalice drink

He did not hesitate upon the brink

Of shrouded futures that you could have brought

Instead he placed his lips upon the rim

And drank in deep of passion, death and life

Which then unfolded, till a later year

Saw full fruition of that seed in him.

So I need not foreknow potentials rife,

Just know it's Love I drink, although obscure.

Anyways, thanks to all who left an encouraging note. I am really doing much better. I had another phone conversation last night that helped a whole lot. It wasn't even so much what we said, though some of that took a weight off of my heart, but... I dunno. She laughed. It's been almost six months since I heard that, and I wasn't sure I ever would hear it again. Yeah.

"New wave mannequins packin' haircuts, instead of packin' guns..."

-L

My conscience is vicious! (I'm walking on pins and needles) And I’m begging forgiveness!

So yeah. I have a new poem that I wrote yesterday. I will post it tomorrow. I just want to review it, because it was one of those kind of forced ones, and I'm not sure if it turned out well. It is categorized as a "God" poem.

Anyways, I have had a bit of a rough week. A lot of emotions, dealing with regret and associated feelings. It is all good though. Like I often say, "Loneliness is just God's reminder that I need to spend more time talking to Him." Yeah. I had an especially rough time last night very shortly before bedtime. So I called up Pinne and talked to him for a few hours. Thank God for that kid, or I wouldn't have been able to get to sleep at all. I felt a lot better after our talk though, and slept like a baby. (It being around 12:30AM could have something to do with that though) As a result though, I am pretty tired right now... having worked a full day on 5:30 hours of sleep. So I am going to bed early.

My aunts all (well, mostly all. There are a lot of them) arrived today. They will be staying for the weekend, going to the Art Fair and my grandpa's burial. They are always zany and fun to have around. Anyways, my eyes hurt and I need sleep. Goodnight, Moon.

"How did I ever let you go..."

-L

Someone has written on this stone, in some angry hand:

So, I saw Jake Krempel today. I know! He's like, from Florida! So here is how it went down: around 2-3PM I get this call from John Kazanjian (this guy from my church that I have worked for in the past, an awesome person) saying, "Hey Luke, I've got this friend of yours from Steubenville at my house. They said not to say who it was, but come on over!" And so I was like, "Alright, sure!" So of course, on the 30 second drive to his (amazing/beautiful/packed with children) house I am racking my brain to try to figure out who from Steubenville would be here and know John. Needless to say, the Lord of Glaxon was not top on my list of expectations. So I enter the house and hear music, go to the living room and find Jake on their big piano, with friends accompanying him. I'm like, "Hey dogg, what are you doing here?" Apparently he and his band know someone from Renewal Ministries (I worked for them for a year, my claim to Charismatic fame) who asked them to play music for a Renewal Ministries Bible Conference (or something) this weekend. So he and his Floridian Friends were up here for that, and got hooked up to the Kazanjian house for brunch or something. And of course things got to "Where do you go to school?" and "Oh! Do you know ?" So they called me over. So, yeah. It was awesome to see Jake again. We are not soul-mates or anything, but we have laid smackdown on each other several times. He is a pretty coo guy, and definitely one of my "children" (i.e. "in my smallgroup"). So that was the big event for today.

Also: I have a new love of my life. They are from Murfreesboro, TN. They go by the name of The Protomen and are, yes, a synth-rock (heavy on the rock) band that has dedicated their considerable talent to making a MegaMan rock opera. Yes, an MegaMan ROCK OPERA. Now, aside from the fact that my formative years were spent drawing MegaMan, playing MegaMan and watching MegaMan's TV show, their music is /amazing/. By far one of the most refreshingly different things I've heard in ages, so I won't even try to describe it. Their vocalist is awesome. I have found one live video of them (on YouTube, I will link it if you wish) and, while it is only a three-song set, it blows my socks off. The singer has /such/ stage presence, wearing a MegaMan helmet, belting it out at the top of his lungs while gesturing in a way that I can only say reminds me of Hilter. It gives me the tinglies. And, as great as a sort of ironic, campy MegaMan rock opera would be, these guys have decided to take it a different direction and produce an entirely serious piece dealing with the role of a Messiah to a people whose reaction to evil is generally apathy rather than courage. I cannot recommend this band enough. I have already ordered their CD through CDBaby and hopefully it will ship on Monday.http://www.protomen.com

Yes, I know I've been promising another contemplative/thoughtful entry for a while now, and it has been stewing. Unfortunately, all you will get tonight is this factual update/music rant. Now, I'ma go to bed.

"HOPE RIDES ALONE"

-L

Now I could make this obvious and you, you could deny me all in one breath...

Hey kids. Quick update. I don't have time to put this on the site yet, but I wanted to post it for my "readers". Hott off the presses, having just been finished five minutes ago. Well... three of the lines were written a couple weeks ago, but I kept putting its completion off until tonight. I just felt like finally getting it out of the way. It is submitted to you without comment, except that it is a non-rhyming 12 line poem. Two lines short of a perfect sonnet, but I decided to leave it that way rather than force it, and it contributes to the meaning in a way. It is written basically in a core of dactylic trimeter (including the title), with a few foots/syllables on the front and sometimes the end, just to round things off. Except the last line, which switches to anapests, largely because the last two lines were written as one big chunk of dactyl and just got split that way. So it still works out pretty smoothly as far as the rythym goes. Without further ado (I talk forever even on poems submitted "without comment", don't I?)

--A Phrase Too Familiar, Perhaps I Should Learn (Potentiality Pt. 5) -7/12/06

So did you my dearest, my friend of a friend,

Ever find fearing so fruitless as when

We both try to see past our noses again?

For you are uncertain, unspoiled and unready

And I am the boy who was "twice burned, thrice shy"

Who dreads disillusionment found in your eyes.

When no one's as different as, at first, they seem:

With, "How did I, how could I fall for a dream?"

Well I spent those weeks without sleeping!

A sunrise, a sunset, a tearless set-sail

When all I can say is, "Alright" and, "Okay"

And, "I guess now I know what to look for".

Feel free to leave any comments you have. I love them as ever. Also: I took a bit of a vacation today. It was a lot of fun, and I will write about it tomorrow. I have so many different topics to write about, and I feel bad doing two posts in a day, so they kind of pile up. In closing: I have a live version of today's "Song of the Day" that has quickly become one of my favorite songs ever. Original line-up of Taking Back Sunday + awesome song = **shivers**

"Just forget me, it's that simple..."

-L

These could be days like Lamech, Methuselah...

So yeah. Second day home all alone. It has become increasingly impressed on me that I don't keep a very regular eating schedule when I'm alone/nothing is interferring. Not that I don't eat 3 meals a day, it just struck me at about 9:30PM that I should probably make some dinner. So I made the same thing I had last night: eggs, potatoes, onions and turkey with Swiss cheese and mustard all in a wheat-wrap. It was pretty decent, again. Certainly filling, which is about all I need. The kitchen now has two days worth of dishes in it. I will clean it tomorrow after work (crossed-fingers).

So today I officially won Survivor: TRW Factory! At the last break of the day, Larry went around and talked to three of the employees (everyone but me, Randy and Barb) and just told them that we didn't really need them anymore, so this was their last day. He never /told/ me that I won, or handed me a trophy or anything. He just /didn't/ give me that talk. Oh, and on the way out when I said goodbye, he said, "See you tomorrow, Luke." pretty pointedly, just in case I had assumed I was included in the firees. So yeah! I am employed through the rest of the summer! Today was the day of the favor of the Lord, it was the day of the vengeance of our God. (Na na na na, na na na na...)

God is so faithful that it blows my mind. He permits us to stray from His path fairly often (exactly as often as we choose to, in fact) simply to remind us that no matter /how/ many times we deny Him for something passing, He will never leave us! It is amazing, and you can see it both in the little and the big things. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. While I deserve Hell, the loving Father gave me a sweet job for the rest of the summer, just to prove how closely He is watching over me. Not that my awareness of these truths won't fade and even be conveniantly forgotten at times so that I can "chase after the wind"... but every time I come back, it is a little more humbly. As a child, realizing my utter dependance on Divine Mercy. Pride, in a way, is the root of all sin, and few things will kill your conscience quicker. I am not someone who thinks of himself as prideful, but I praise the Lord for every opportunity that He gives me to humble myself before Him. I do not deserve the chance.

"Boys after girls, and the girls after the boys..."

-L

Revolutionary minds never know to draw the line: running out, running out...

So. The first full day of being home alone! So far so good. Last night for dinner I had a small piece of left-over steak and some breakfast sausage. With mustard and horseradish. Now, I have noticed, within the course of this summer, a new and strange obsession creeping into my tastes: condiments. Which is strange, seeing as for my entire childhood I was a "ketchup only" kid. But within the past year I have begun very much enjoying various mustards and horseradish. Strangely enough, according to Wikipedia, those two are in the same genus! Now if only we can find some connexion between that genus and Cillian Murphy/toasters, we might get some insight into whether there is a pattern to these fixations. So, lest this become "Luke's Fixations Theatre" or "The Things Luke Likes Report", I will simply say: I have a growing affection for/interest in condiments.

Last night the kids held a birthday party for me at Aaron's condo. It was a blast. We pulled out their new hookah (Gilbert) and smoked some mint leaves, which was quite pleasant. Very different from good old tobacco, but (as Aaron said) "Like brushing your lungs". So yeah, pretty soon on in the party I had some of the nicotine in me, which put me in a giggly/giddy mood. Which can be a lot of fun. I was worried for most of the day that I would be in "noise-overload" for the party and just sit there the whole time, which would have stunk for just about everyone.Another highlight of the evening/weekend/summer came later. When Tina had to leave, she had a bunch of stuff to take with her (including the remains of a delicious cake) so I helped her carry it all out to the car. And on the way there, we just kind of started talking, and didn't stop for what must have been at least an hour. It was really good to talk to her again, seeing as we hadn't had a substantial conversation in probably at /least/ a year. So that was a blessing. She is going to call me later this week and we will hang out or do something. "Good times".

Then this morning, Joe and I went to the "Trid Mass" at St. Josephat in D-troit. It was my first Trid Mass ever, so I wasn't sure what I was going to think about it. I'll be blunt, it was pretty frickadiculous (double-plus good). You couldn't hear the priest at /all/ most of the time, unfortunately, so it was a bit hard to follow along, but the whole time was a very powerful experience of peace and grace for me. I'm not sure I'm never going to go to CTK again or anything, but I definitely like the Old Skool I guess.

"Running out like a fire so sweet..."

-L

You said it makes you want to fall in love, or be smart enough to keep your distance...

So.. it was my birthday today and, lemme say: your number of Facebook wall-posts /doubles/ on your birthday. Like, the total number. It doubles. Which was fun, because most of those people wouldn't take the time to actually send you a card (it's okay, I'm lazy too) but you still get the fuzzies. Anyways. So this is my "what I did on my birthday" update, just to get that out of the way.

First off: birthdays are always a bit weird for me. Like, I just don't feel any older. It feels like, "Man, this is just another day, why is everybody making such a big deal out of it? That's kind of strange..." So yeah. I went to work today. Work was just pretty normal. None of them knew it was my birthday because, hey... it would be kind of strange to just bring it up. At that point, you're fishing for well-wishes.

At work, however, I got THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER. One of the guys I work with (who is definitely "in the know" as far as the boss is concerned) took me aside and told me that after Monday, they're letting everyone but me, him and one other person go. And the three of us are staying on definitely past when I'm leaving for school. So: I have a job through the end of the summer! Praise the Lord. I always come home for the summer thinking that I'm going to be stuck with a crap job/no job (which is better, who knows?) but God always pulls something great and completely unexpected for me!

After work, I went home, and discovered that not /only/ had my Russian, mechanical 24-hour dial analog watch arrived in the mail (I may put up Facebook pictures soon, it is awesome), but I had also gotten a few checks in the mail. That meant that I was able to deposit them today and have enough to write the check for next semester's tuition /and/ enough to cover the wedding next weekend. One more semester (hopefully /year/) without debt! Here's hoping I can make it to grad school debt free.

On the whole check note: yesterday, I was looking for my check-book to pay for something, and I couldn't find it. Now, it could only ever be in /one/ place. I take it out of that place, write and check, and put it directly back. But it wasn't there! So I was wigging out. I searched the whole house several times today, because the tuition check is due by next Friday. Just as things were starting to get /really/ intense, my mom pulled it out of the /very/ pocket of my file-folder that I keep it in! I had checked that pocket THREE times! Sometimes you just need an extra pair of eyes, I guess. So that was a plus.

After that, I went to Mass, which was celebrated by a really coo priest that I had never seen before. So Mass was really good, then afterwards I went to the Adoration Chapel and prayed a Divine Mercy Chaplet, per usual. That prayer gives me so much peace when I need it.

Dinner was "fillet mignon". Very tasty. Dad and I tried to get into the new Pirates of the Carribean movie, but they were sold out for the next two shows, so we rented "Downfall" and watched that instead. A 2.5-hour German film about the final days of the Third Reich, holed up in a bunker with the Russians closing in. It was very good.

Tomorrow, my parents leave to go up North for a week. My little sister is already in Austria for her band trip (also for a week). And so, for the space of... a week, I will be home alone. Here's hoping for good times. Tomorrow night at "the Condo" should be a blast, I am looking forward to that. There is a bunch of stuff that I haven't written about, but I will refrain from bombarding you all with it. Hopefully this weekend/week, having some time alone will help me to discipline myself and write a bit more, so you all can see a return of the quality/"stuff" that you are accustomed to.

One other cool thing that I got (I just have to mention this) was a 2GB USB drive from my dad. He rightly assumed that that would be an awesome thing to have.

"You can't decide, you can't decide!"

-L

My body's tight, my soul's excited and I wish that I was gifted...

So, yeah. I finally wrote some more, and updated the webpage. Just to give you all some insight into exactly how much I procrastinate writing: I wrote down the title, last line and basic outline of this poem on June 22nd. Then, finally, last night I lay down on my bed at 3AM and took an hour to actually put it on paper. Now, I do think that things turn out a bit more fulfillingly when they have some time to percolate/ferment, but why do they find the most inconveniant hours to finally come spilling out?

So this one is a proper Spenserian sonnet. It is a companion piece to "Upon the Occasion" (hence the title), which may also be found in the "Life" section of the site. Both of them are inspired by this kid that I barely knew who died from cancer when he was around 14. Coming to terms with early death at different stages in my life, I guess. It sounds more morbid than it is, perhaps.Woohoo, four-day weekend for July 4th. Most of the time I have been kind of bored, actually. But I still have a day and a half left, hopefully fun times will roll. Tomorrow night we are going to see the Capital Steps.

Upon Revisitation (An Afterward, an Elegy) -7/03/06

The mourners all like wedding guests process

The aisle and take their seats to start the rote,

And you are there in black: your finest coat,

Though vestal white would be your right to dress.

But here we have no wisdom to impress

A soul who thus has overleaped the moat

That sep’rate keeps the pilgrim, sheep and goat,

Our spirits yet too weak to dare transgress.

So many mourn, and fear the course you ran.

They count untested mettle as a boon,

Though you, above them all, have braved the tomb.

So young, so young, so young to be a man!

So glorious your wings, to fly so soon!

Magnificent your seed, so young to bloom!

"My body's tight, my soul's excited and I wish I had some spunk..."

-L

It's not life that I'm afraid of, I'm afraid I'm just not brave enough...

So work has been pretty easy of late. We have about twice as many employees as we need (/still/), so I sit around for a while generally every day. "Word on the street" is, Larry's getting ready to let some people go, and luckily it is rumored to be the lazy people. In the meanwhile, I continue to get paid $9 for barely doing any menial labor. Mostly just sleeping or reading Paradise Lost.

Speaking of sleeping: I have not been sleeping well this week. Monday night, I got to bed at 10PM, but didn't get to sleep until at least 11:15PM. Last night, I stayed up /way/ too late watching a movie with Reez (Fight Club), but I justified it by saying, "Well, I was tired going into this thing, so by midnight, I should be able to just fall asleep as my head hits the pillow." Unfortunately, this was not the case. I went to bed at 12AM, and just stayed wide awake, brain edging into the red, until about 1AM. So luckily, I got to take a bit of a nap at work today. But I get sick of not being able to sleep. I need a brain-off button. In fact, make that a Universal Remote for the heart too.

Why should I be lonely? The Living God makes His temple in my heart. Sometimes it is just vulnerability itself that hurts. Laying there, staring at the ceiling, thinking: "I could get hurt." It is at once both exciting and pretty darn painful in a pretty physical sense. I really don't fall that often, but when I do it is usually hard and fast. As for now, I am simply looking over the edge of the cliff, trying to convince myself that the rush of the jump isn't worth the pain of the abrupt stop. So far so good. Why should I be afraid of vulnerability? The Lord of Hosts is my Savior, and my future is in His merciful hands. I have been making it to daily Mass the past couple days, which is nice. Haven't had time to go to adoration afterwards, but it's a start. Almost done reading through Romans too.

I finally secured a copy of The Misters' LP (a band from my highschool, the CD was put out in 2002) and it is pretty awesome for a bunch of highschoolers. I am wowed and excited. Also: two road-trips shaping up! Canada is currently slated for July 22-23, tentatively. And I can definitely stay at Nate's place on the 29th, which should be good fun. It will be nice to hang down in the Bend, and hopefully I can see Millicious before he heads off to Austria next semester.

"But you think of life with me, the distant possibility. I could live for that."

-L

Mystery and wonder, messy hearts made of thunder

I have been thinking a lot, this past week. I have been meaning to write it for a while, but just haven't worked up the "oomph" until now. I have something still percolating on the back burner (not to mix metaphors or anything), but that has waited a week already, it can wait a day or two more.

So yeah, this past week at work was /really/ slow, so I usually spent at /least/ an hour a day just sitting around waiting for more parts to pack. Some days it was more like 3 hours, but hey: they're still paying, who's complaining? So on Wednesday or something, I finally remembered to bring a book to work, but (of course) I didn't remember until it was 5 minutes before I had to leave. I was quickly searching the whole house for my collexion of Chekov plays that I still have to finish, and I wasn't finding it. So my eye alighted on a thick book entitled "Paradise Lost and other Poetry" and I quickly snatched it. It was, of course, a collexion of John Milton's poetry.

Perhaps at this juncture, I should take a moment to expound on my history with M. Milton. You see, for someone who writes poetry, I read even less than most non-poets do. So whenever literary conversations get around to influences, I have to say that, aside from:
1) Mr. Shakespeare, who taught me a love for form and meter but didn't really influence the content
2) Lyricists like Aaron Weiss and Efrim Menuck, who definitely direct my ideas and metaphors without really influencing the form that they are presented in.
I don't think I really have any "influence" in my writing aside from my life. Now, I am coo with that. It makes me feel a little less avant-whatever, but hey: I'm only a beatnik in my head. The thing is: there are perhaps two poets whose few poems that I have read came at such a time that they were pretty influential on my initial poetry, and indeed my conception of what poetry even is. They are: John Donne (who, interestingly enough, is a large influence of Aaron Weiss') and John Milton. I encountered those two poems of Donne's in my Brit Lit class Junior year of highschool, which is about when I first started writing, and Milton even earlier, in middle-school.

My history with Milton begins at my grandparents' cottage "Up North", with weeks spent there in the summer. The house and cottage are since sold, but one summer, with nothing better to do, I picked up an old edition of Paradise Lost and started to read. I believe I only got as far as Book 6 before I lost steam and stopped, but I can't have read that much of something without it influencing me, however subtly. So fast forward perhaps as many as 6 years to this week, when by chance I happened to pick up a collexion of Milton's poetry on my way out the door, thinking to myself: "Well, at the least, it's long!" So I cracked this book open at work, and read the first half (his non-Paradise Lost work) first. It pretty much blew my socks off! I was amazed by how much I connected with his material, and his take on life, whether it was written in archaic English or not. I also got about 4 books through Paradise Lost, and it has some /very/ striking parts in it as well (though I'm sure some of the carefully detailed descriptions are wasted on me).

Now, the point of this whole post is that reading Milton's work again, and reading the wordy introduction that preceeded it, really got me wondering: Why on Earth do I write? John Milton wrote because he believed that God gave him an extraordinary gift, and destined him for literary fame. I, on the other hand, would not be at all surprised if I never published a poem in my life. Part of the problem is that society today does not appreciate writing enough for a man to devote his entire life to writing, like Milton did. The other issue is that I have simply never felt called to dedicate my life to writing, it has always been more of a side-thing. So why do I write? The typical answer these days would be "self-expression", but I think that that very vague, subjective-worth-only mentality has led to more tripe than good writing. Besides, my main reason for writing is not expressing /myself/ as much as it is expressing a state of affairs, or a metaphor that I think gives insight into humanity. I do not write for myself to read it. Whether or not I will ever be published, I write to communicate to others, rather than simply to present myself with a mirror. I am interested in all things "tremendously human", whether they are ordered or disordered, happy or sad, so long as it is a part of "the human experience", it intrigues me.

Part of the issue, I guess, is that I've come to the conclusion that I'm not very good at writing. Now, I'm not talking about the finished product. I am generally at least satisfied with what I write, and I know that at least a couple of people find them authentic, which is all that I ask for. No, what I mean is the actual act of writing. Generally, if there is anything that I could do /other/ that writing, 9 times out of 10 I will choose distraction over creativity. So why do I write? I'm not really sure. An attempt to communicate humanity to human-kind, perhaps in the vain idea that I will have original thoughts... I just know that it is nothing nearly as "vocational" as Milton's reasons for writing. I don't really feel a Diving Calling to write, but sometimes I wonder if, if perhaps I /can/ write, that somehow indicates a responsibility to do so to advance the kingdom of God as best I can. I'm not sure. Is a gift ever given without a responsibility to use it for the Kingdom? I don't even know. I only got six hours of sleep last night, and I do believe I'm rambling, and have been writing this for so long that I have pretty much lost track of where I started, and where I was going. Oh well. So I guess I'll end it here then.

God is so nuts and, like Dntel says: "Life is Full of Possibilities". I'll try to get that more "creative" writing done sometime soon and post it up. We see. I also have yet to write that post about music... but this post was supposed to be a setup for it anyways. I think I am addicted to Mr. Menuck's music, no matter how awful his singing voice may be.

"TOGETHER, TOGETHER, TOGETHER, TOGETHER... never to retreat."
-L

"We've been at the bottom, we've soared to the sun; Just to see how beautiful and painful it could be"

So yeah. I have been having the most social weekend I've had all summer. Last night I got together with Tina, Mike, Emma, Aaron and a few other kids and watched "The Machinist" (which is an excellent psychological thriller starring a 120lb Christian Bale). Around midnight, after hanging out for a while, we all slowly filed out. Aaron and I were still standing around talking by the car, and I mentioned that the night was beautiful and I didn't feel like going to bed yet. So we stopped by my house to get some cigarillos, then went over to his apartment. It is a pretty nice place, actually. Bobis and Aaron and I sat outside and smoked and talked, covering a variety of topics ranging from God to girls to Mariology to "Revival". Then Ed came home and we went inside and hung out. We ended up watching a decent (if poorly written) student sci-fi film that was about 20 minutes long. By that point, it was 2:30AM and I was about to shuffle off home. Then Ed said, "So... do you play Halo?" and I was like, "Do I?" so for the next hour and a half we fragged it up. It was fun to play again, seeing as I haven't taken up the rocket launcher since last semester. So I got to bed about 4:30AM. It was a great night. I have been somewhat socially starved this summer, all of us have been really busy with our jobs.

Tonight was also a hangout night at Aaron's apartment. We got together at 9PM and watched "Rat Race", which had some /hilarious/ parts, but overall was a dud, and featured probably the worst ending I've ever seen in a movie. It was one of those endings where you just roll your eyes and groan, except that it went on for (I kid you not) 10-15 minutes. After that, we just hung around joking and laughing until we were red in the face, and played a few rounds of Halo. Ed is pretty good, but I am usually second place by a respectable margin. Anyways, so that was really fun too.

Reez and I baked a pie today. She is going camping for a few days starting tomorrow, so we decided to do the whole "Father's Day Dinner" tonight instead. We had steak fajitas, which were /the-fishes/, then our strawberry-rhubarb pie for desert. So I guess this is my second foray into pie-making (ask me about the first Great Pie Disaster sometime). Yeah, but that went pretty smoothly, and I can pretty confidently pie it up now at a moment's notice. Speaking of food, I don't know what's up with me, but I love guacomole all of a sudden. Ever since I had it at Reez's Party. I mean, I never /hated/ it, I just never had an opinion really. But it is pretty awesome on most things!

Sorry to just give a "facts-only" update. I always feel kind of weaksauce when I do these, but I figure it's better than writing nothing at all, and hopefully I can get the "oomph" to post something of substance later. I mean, seriously... guacomole?

"Wings that were ours! Broken from trying! Wings that were ours! Melted while flying!"
-L

P.S. Reez is on Facebook now. Friend her. :)

"She wore that phony smile on her face, I guess like a bandage on a wounded place..."

Deep calls to deep. And sometimes I forget that there's a deep out there. Sometimes, when I spend more time talking about God than I do talking /to/ Him, I make Him smaller than He is. I make Him manageable, understandable, comprehensible. He becomes a facet, albeit still the most important facet, of my life. And, oh the pride, I imagine Him to be a facet that I have already figured out. But deep calls to deep, and my soul is just an echo of the call that I hear. I try to sound the bottom of this ocean floor, but my soul cannot cry out except in diminishing echo of Your "FIAT". My spirit is just a rustle of the wind that was breathed into me. And I am more a part of this rolling thunder than I am a part of any of you. I am more closely related to this swelling wave than I am to any of you.

Yet, I know that I try to love any one of you more than I try to love that Deep. I am always trying to love the other soft echos of that clarion call that has gone on from Time's beginning. And so I become distracted, and I seek approval, looking for the wind in the rustle that it leaves, and trying to fill my soul with that pure note by listening to its reverberations. And I know that I need to seek only God. Because I am /one/ with that Deep, I am drawn from those depths... and not from any of you.

And far too often, I think that I need to look outside of myself for that ocean, but the living water has a wellspring reaching deep into my own heart! I let things pile up over the opening of that well and I forget that it swells up, deep underneath my dead and worldly concerns. It is so easy to think that our spiritual life, that our relationship with God exists externally: in the people that we serve, in the prayers and praises that we offer, in His voice that seems to come from Heaven. But it comes from our heart. Our soul was awakened at our conception by that alarum and called into action! And that call to arms still exists within our hearts. The waters of grace do not reach us by a tributary and then sit stagnant in our hearts! Rather: the unfathomable depths of the ocean of Love froths in our very soul, always renewing and breaking forth into life! The Spirit cries out: "ABBA" from the most intimate center of our being, and we know that we are His children. Allelulia.

I'm afraid that I'm not being very clear: GOD IS LOVE, AND WHOEVER REMAINS IN LOVE REMAINS IN GOD AND GOD IN HIM.

"While I kept the keys to every old lock just in case..."
-L

Everyone that loved me more than I could tell, I'm sorry...

So, I updated my website again. Three more songs that I found in my old notebooks, and two new poems. There is one in the God section and one in the Life section. I am actually somewhat pleased with both of them, but feel free to give me any criticism/impressions you have. I will post them right below the signature, in case you don't want to go to the website. The only thing that's different there is that you can read my little comments before the thingie. I know some people would never read them if I didn't put them here though. :) You can go to the site for the lyrics.

There is some excitement going on at work! It is kind of turning into "Survivor: TRW Factory", because we have more workers than we probably need and as a result we will probably cut from about 10 workers to 4-5 this week. We'll see. There is a group of really lazy guys who have somehow escaped the cuts so far, but the boss is aware of them so I am pretty confidant in my job. Until then, it is mostly sitting around getting paid to wait for more work to do.

Reez is going down to Steubenville to do the whole "Registration Day" thing this Thursday/Friday. That means she gets a school email, which means she gets on Facebook, which kind of excites me for some reason. :D I hope that she has a great time down there!

Ed stopped by to return Reez's watch today during dinner and got roped into eating some food. That was fun, I had a very good time. I am feeling pretty peaceful about life in general. God works all things for the good of those who love Him, even if it seems senseless sometimes to us. Love the questions, like locked rooms, and someday live your way into the answer. Yadda, yadda. You all have heard it before. These are the thoughts that are dominating my mind these late-nights.

Man, sometimes life just seems to have so many possibilities that it paralyzes you. It is like I wrote in my first LJ entry ever: I probably have enough money to hop on an airplane to pretty much anywhere. I am almost 20 years old. I could live any life that I wanted to! But ultimately, no matter what I desire (I know what I /want/: the will of God), no matter the approval or disapproval of others, the only person who can give permission or denial is God, who loves us so much that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us!

Father, I adore You, lay my heart before You. How I love You.
Jesus, I adore You, lay my heart before You. How I love You.
Spirit, I adore You, lay my heart before You. How I love You.

"There's a private Hell, for those who only live to love themselves..."
-L

Desperados -6/14/06

Yeah, love's the last refuge of sinners and saints
Cuz we've all grown up so beat down and afraid
It takes us so long just to see that we're made
For something better than this

Still that revelation does not satiate
Not sure what we are, we just know what we hate
From 10,000 lessons we learned the hard way
Our 10,001 lonely mistakes

Thus failures beat lessons, just one step ahead
Lit fire in our hearts and cried salt in our beds
A passion to live in a way where we'll thrive
So strong it comes down to just "do or we'll die"!

We stand at the ready with one last brave cry:
"You'll
NEVER
Take us
Alive."


The Way I've Made You (Not the Way You've Grown) -6/14/06

We've had our share of darknesses
That seemed to leave us in despair
But from the frigid nights we lived
Our eyes have learned to search the air
And seek the sun while it is day.

We've had our share of pesticide
That hurt so much, we thought we'd die
But ev'ry time it was applied
It killed the things that drained us dry
And to this day, we still have thrived.

We've had our share of prunings since
We knelt and wept and loudly cried
Laid bare, we saw the blossoms fall
"Good God, all my accomplishments!"
To which He said,
"My precious Bride."

"We'd burn like the morning, then break like your heart "

So, I finally got up the pictures from Reez's graduation party. Those are all up on Facebook. You can go check them out if you like. Nothing spectacular, but I got a picture of most of the people who I knew that attended the party.

The party itself was quite a success. Probably over 100 people showed up over the course of about 4PM-10/11PM. Highlights of the evening included: walking around with Steve Metz taking random pictures, seeing kids that I haven't seen much of this summer, the cake (also pictured) which was /de-fishes/! and the tacos, which were also excellent. It was really good to see Steve for the first time since Christmas break. We talked a bit about the old days, and he is going to see if his boss can do anything about making my guitar sound alright again. In which case, I may attempt to pick it up again. Also: Mrs. Graff and Ms. Vail, two of my favorite English teachers ever (I once called Mrs. Graff "mom" by accident. That is how it went down.) showed up at the party! So I talked to them for a while. I hadn't seen them in at least a year, so that was awesome.

Yeah. So last night, I was chatting with Joe online, and he suggested that we hang out. So we went to "the Liquor Keep" (Smorkeys was closed :( ) and bought a couple of cigars. We then retired to my back porch and spent a couple of hours smorking in the nighttime air. Our conversation covered the usual: God, girls, guitars, philosophy, psychology and... pheromones? I swear. It was an excellent time, and just what I needed that night. It left me feeling even more at peace, though the smorking could have contributed to that. I went to bed happy and pretty buzzed, but had no trouble at all falling asleep. All in all: a fabulous hangout.

One of our topics of conversation was "disordered life-views in music", and how much we ought to listen to the music, or at least how much we ought to "glory in it", which I'm not sure I do (at least not anymore). That is a very interesting topic that perhaps I shall write about when it is less past-my-bedtime. Feel free to weigh in below, however. In preparation for the post, I have been listening to "[A->B] Life" by mewithoutYou, a very interesting case-in-point. Aaron Weiss is also probably one of/my favorite lyricist/s ever! Also on my "to-do list" is digging out those lost lyrics and posting them.
Good night, fair readers. May sweet dreams fill your nights, and peaceable times your days.

"Fall in love without warning, just to fall back apart..."
-L