It's not life that I'm afraid of, I'm afraid I'm just not brave enough...

So work has been pretty easy of late. We have about twice as many employees as we need (/still/), so I sit around for a while generally every day. "Word on the street" is, Larry's getting ready to let some people go, and luckily it is rumored to be the lazy people. In the meanwhile, I continue to get paid $9 for barely doing any menial labor. Mostly just sleeping or reading Paradise Lost.

Speaking of sleeping: I have not been sleeping well this week. Monday night, I got to bed at 10PM, but didn't get to sleep until at least 11:15PM. Last night, I stayed up /way/ too late watching a movie with Reez (Fight Club), but I justified it by saying, "Well, I was tired going into this thing, so by midnight, I should be able to just fall asleep as my head hits the pillow." Unfortunately, this was not the case. I went to bed at 12AM, and just stayed wide awake, brain edging into the red, until about 1AM. So luckily, I got to take a bit of a nap at work today. But I get sick of not being able to sleep. I need a brain-off button. In fact, make that a Universal Remote for the heart too.

Why should I be lonely? The Living God makes His temple in my heart. Sometimes it is just vulnerability itself that hurts. Laying there, staring at the ceiling, thinking: "I could get hurt." It is at once both exciting and pretty darn painful in a pretty physical sense. I really don't fall that often, but when I do it is usually hard and fast. As for now, I am simply looking over the edge of the cliff, trying to convince myself that the rush of the jump isn't worth the pain of the abrupt stop. So far so good. Why should I be afraid of vulnerability? The Lord of Hosts is my Savior, and my future is in His merciful hands. I have been making it to daily Mass the past couple days, which is nice. Haven't had time to go to adoration afterwards, but it's a start. Almost done reading through Romans too.

I finally secured a copy of The Misters' LP (a band from my highschool, the CD was put out in 2002) and it is pretty awesome for a bunch of highschoolers. I am wowed and excited. Also: two road-trips shaping up! Canada is currently slated for July 22-23, tentatively. And I can definitely stay at Nate's place on the 29th, which should be good fun. It will be nice to hang down in the Bend, and hopefully I can see Millicious before he heads off to Austria next semester.

"But you think of life with me, the distant possibility. I could live for that."

-L