So pretty late last semester, I was sitting in the Port, just praying. It was during Household adoration time, which went longer than usual that week. So I was sitting there, just looking around. Adoration was already canceled for the year, so the tabernacle was closed. I was looking around at the flowers decorating the altar/sanctuary when, kind of suddenly, God just asked one of those questions. "Why do you put flowers around my tabernacles?", He asked.
It was one of those things that just sort of struck me. I mean, how can placing plants before the dwelling of Almighty God /add/ anything to the majesty already found within? So I thought about it a second:
Well:
1) We put flowers there to be a visual reminder to us of the beauty of the Lord that we've come there to worship. That answer didn't really satisfy me. It makes it too much about us.
2) We put them before the altar as an offering to God. This one intrigued me. How can we offer God something like a flower, something that He made? But, recognizing that He made everything and that everything that we could give Him (including our free will and our very soul) is kept in existence by His mercy and love... it begins to make sense to me. We cannot offer Him /anything/ that He did not create, and does not sustain, and so we give back to Him those beautiful things that He created because it is all that we can do.
As soon as I had concluded with this answer (I'm not sure if I have adequately explained it here because I'm tired, but I assure you that it's quite clear in my head), God asked me "Would those flowers look just as beautiful in a home?" and I said, "Yes." He simply asked, "Why would you not take them and put them in your home then? You could enjoy them more, and their beauty might still remind you of Me?" I thought about that for a while then answered, "Well... because it is wrong to take back what you have given to the Lord."And God said, "Exactly."
There are beautiful, wonderful creations that God has placed in my life for a time. And then the time has come when He has said, "You must choose between My creation and Me." And no matter how hard it is to do, I have no doubts at all by this point that I must follow where He leads. And God does not stand still. So why, when I have, in faith, placed these beautiful flowers before Him, do I keep wanting to take them back again? I guess there's always the hope when God asks you to give something to Him that it will be an Abraham and Issac, but that is certainly not always the case. And we must not get into a bartering mentality with our Lord. We cannot say, "Alright God, I will exchange this blessing for one of equal or greater value."
That's not the way that it works.
So why do I keep desiring to take back the flowers that I have already placed before the Lord? Part of it is still simply mistrust. I have come a long way from my darker periods, but it is still easy to doubt. Doubt in what? Doubt in the love of God, of course. Thinking either that I somehow need to fix things that are broken, instead of entrusting them to God's love. Before I left for Steubenville my freshman year, I said: "Look, God. As long as I know that she is going to be alright, I can leave with peace." And He gave me that assurance, and He has come through. What I need now is that same assurance: the assurance that she and I are both in God's hands. I need that assurance so that I can stop wanting to take that flower back and make things right by myself somehow. So that I can just leave her before God in prayer, I need it so that I can stop turning from the plow to look over my shoulder. Our God is a living God, He does not stand still.
And that is my prayer for the summer.
"I'm here for you to use, broken and bruised..."
-L
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
And you won't fall in love (fall apart...)
So I got fired on Friday at the end of the day. Yeah I'm fine, thanks for asking. It was actually pretty gentle. They made it clear that it was not a personality thing, but that I just wasn't the sort of worker they were looking for. They had no complaints at all with the quality of my work, just the speed. And I'm fine with that, I guess. So here's looking for a new job. I'm going to apply to a bunch of places tomorrow. I'm sure that God has something else for me, and I have not lost hope.
Not that it wasn't a little tough this weekend, but luckily I was out of town so I could forget about it most of the time. We went up to my paternal grandparents' house for the weekend. It was a lot of fun. Reez and I made our traditional trip to "Dog Ear Used Books" and I bought a collection of Chekov's plays. We also saw X-Men III, which was decently good, and had plenty of hangout time. Reez and I camped out in a tent in their backyard, which was good times. The weekend featured many movies (including Prisoner of Azkaban, Swing Kids (a gift from Annemarie Nuzzo), three (or was it four?) episodes of Firefly, X-Men 3 and First Blood) and many comic-books read (I went to the Library before we left). Also many good times with my little cousins who were there.
Reez and I went to the Salvation Army after we got home today. They were having a half-off Memorial Day sale, so stuff was /even/ cheaper. I bought four button-up shirts and a brown suitcoat (possibly for Formal or something? I just like brown...). It was only $13 dollars, and I'm very satisfied. After that, we went to crash Vargo's party with Abbie Stauffer. When we arrived, however, we discovered that everyone was leaving to see V for Vendetta at the $1.50 Theatre. So I only got to chill for about 30 seconds with Varga Minor herself, but I'll see her later this summer for sure. Reez caved and we went with the kids to the movie. It was all good fun!
As far as how I feel right /now/? Yeah, a little sad and slightly lonely. "Photomasochism" is an issue late at night, and I have been listening to the smooth, sad sweetness of Havalina most of the evening. I am listening to "The Love Song" right now, which is one of those quiet songs that you have to listen to loudly. This weekend was very beneficial however. Some definite "personal progress" was made, and I have great hopes for the summer. God has been re-bringing up some of the same stuff as he did at the end of last semester. I will write about it tomorrow, hopefully. As long as things stay on His schedule and aren't being held up by my fears or failings, it is well with my soul.
"You won't fall, 'cause I'm your man..."
-L
Not that it wasn't a little tough this weekend, but luckily I was out of town so I could forget about it most of the time. We went up to my paternal grandparents' house for the weekend. It was a lot of fun. Reez and I made our traditional trip to "Dog Ear Used Books" and I bought a collection of Chekov's plays. We also saw X-Men III, which was decently good, and had plenty of hangout time. Reez and I camped out in a tent in their backyard, which was good times. The weekend featured many movies (including Prisoner of Azkaban, Swing Kids (a gift from Annemarie Nuzzo), three (or was it four?) episodes of Firefly, X-Men 3 and First Blood) and many comic-books read (I went to the Library before we left). Also many good times with my little cousins who were there.
Reez and I went to the Salvation Army after we got home today. They were having a half-off Memorial Day sale, so stuff was /even/ cheaper. I bought four button-up shirts and a brown suitcoat (possibly for Formal or something? I just like brown...). It was only $13 dollars, and I'm very satisfied. After that, we went to crash Vargo's party with Abbie Stauffer. When we arrived, however, we discovered that everyone was leaving to see V for Vendetta at the $1.50 Theatre. So I only got to chill for about 30 seconds with Varga Minor herself, but I'll see her later this summer for sure. Reez caved and we went with the kids to the movie. It was all good fun!
As far as how I feel right /now/? Yeah, a little sad and slightly lonely. "Photomasochism" is an issue late at night, and I have been listening to the smooth, sad sweetness of Havalina most of the evening. I am listening to "The Love Song" right now, which is one of those quiet songs that you have to listen to loudly. This weekend was very beneficial however. Some definite "personal progress" was made, and I have great hopes for the summer. God has been re-bringing up some of the same stuff as he did at the end of last semester. I will write about it tomorrow, hopefully. As long as things stay on His schedule and aren't being held up by my fears or failings, it is well with my soul.
"You won't fall, 'cause I'm your man..."
-L
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Don't look closely, you might see something you like...
Moving On (Doesn’t Always Involve Closure) -5/20/05
Life’s not so much a tapestry as skein,
For surely it’s not finished, plain to see,
Nor predetermined in its wax and wane:
Its growth is not like that of seed to tree.
But we, the crawling, blind and bestial twine,
With searching tendrils form the world as such;
Attempt to tie a knot with any line
That we encounter with our trembling touch.
Alas, the knot most often doesn’t hold.
So, moving on, we leave a tangled part
And try another knot that fails when pulled,
Each failed attempt a tangle in our heart.
We need the shuttle’s touch to wipe our past,
And Weaver’s steady hands to tie us fast.
That was written a while ago, about a completely different situation, but still I find it very relevant to where I am now. I was talking with Thomas online. He said, "Luke, I just want to see you happy." I said, "Thomas, I /am/ happy." What makes me happy is doing God's will, and I am certain that, at least in the short term, it is God's will for me to be single. Therefore, I am content to throw myself on Divine Grace and trust in the Father's mercy that He will work all things for the good. Sure, it gets lonely sometimes, but that's just God's reminder that I need to spend some time with Him.
I guess it was just kind of naive to think that I could get through my whole life without any serious regrets. I mean, not that I've made it 19+ years without /any/ regrets, but I can play most of those off as "learning experiences". I guess the Lord has just been stressing to me recently the enormous extent to which any grace in my life is His mercy. I could be completely consumed with sex, like the guys that I work with, but by His mercy I know that there is something better, and that is what I am looking for. And it is infinitely worth waiting for.
The other day, I was on Wikipedia and, through a series of connexions (as always happens) I found an article on a man named Rainer Maria Rilke. He was a German poet who lived from the 1870's to the 1920's. I will cut to the point and link you to his Wikiquote page: Here. Now, I found his poetry quoted there pretty interesting and excellent, but what really struck me was the section of quotations from his "Letters to a Young Poet". Therein, he lays out every important thing that I have learned in the past 19 years, more beautifully and concisely than I could ever have put it. It is always a joy to find a writer who writes from a heart united with your own. I will have to look into some of his books!
"This is quick, but not quite painless..."
-L
P.S. Dear Luke: "Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -RMR
Life’s not so much a tapestry as skein,
For surely it’s not finished, plain to see,
Nor predetermined in its wax and wane:
Its growth is not like that of seed to tree.
But we, the crawling, blind and bestial twine,
With searching tendrils form the world as such;
Attempt to tie a knot with any line
That we encounter with our trembling touch.
Alas, the knot most often doesn’t hold.
So, moving on, we leave a tangled part
And try another knot that fails when pulled,
Each failed attempt a tangle in our heart.
We need the shuttle’s touch to wipe our past,
And Weaver’s steady hands to tie us fast.
That was written a while ago, about a completely different situation, but still I find it very relevant to where I am now. I was talking with Thomas online. He said, "Luke, I just want to see you happy." I said, "Thomas, I /am/ happy." What makes me happy is doing God's will, and I am certain that, at least in the short term, it is God's will for me to be single. Therefore, I am content to throw myself on Divine Grace and trust in the Father's mercy that He will work all things for the good. Sure, it gets lonely sometimes, but that's just God's reminder that I need to spend some time with Him.
I guess it was just kind of naive to think that I could get through my whole life without any serious regrets. I mean, not that I've made it 19+ years without /any/ regrets, but I can play most of those off as "learning experiences". I guess the Lord has just been stressing to me recently the enormous extent to which any grace in my life is His mercy. I could be completely consumed with sex, like the guys that I work with, but by His mercy I know that there is something better, and that is what I am looking for. And it is infinitely worth waiting for.
The other day, I was on Wikipedia and, through a series of connexions (as always happens) I found an article on a man named Rainer Maria Rilke. He was a German poet who lived from the 1870's to the 1920's. I will cut to the point and link you to his Wikiquote page: Here. Now, I found his poetry quoted there pretty interesting and excellent, but what really struck me was the section of quotations from his "Letters to a Young Poet". Therein, he lays out every important thing that I have learned in the past 19 years, more beautifully and concisely than I could ever have put it. It is always a joy to find a writer who writes from a heart united with your own. I will have to look into some of his books!
"This is quick, but not quite painless..."
-L
P.S. Dear Luke: "Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer." -RMR
Sunday, May 21, 2006
i lv y. i mss y. i lv y s mch t hrts m hd.
So. I went down to Steubenville on Saturday for Jeremy Dean && the (former) sister (formerly) known as Katie Kress' wedding. It was a lot of fun. It was good to see Jeremy and Katie again. They are both excellent people, and a lot of fun. It was great to see Josh Fraunfelder too. They all said they would try to visit Steubenville some time in the future, which would be great. I saw Christa there too, which was nice. We didn't say more then "hello"... but maybe that's the way she wants it.
I stayed the night at Josh Madore's grandmother-in-law (it is too a word)'s house. It was just a place to crash, but I was very grateful to not have to pay for a hotel room. I really do enjoy driving to Steubenville and back by myself. I just turn up whatever music I want to pretty loud and often sing along quite loudly too. It is a very pleasurable ride for me. The CDs of choice this time were: Deadbeat Sweetheartbeat by the Juliana Theory (one of my favorite CDs of all time), Louder Now by Taking Back Sunday (Not as good as Where You Want To Me, "IMO"), The Earth is Not a Cold, Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky (Excellent CD) and Strange That We Should Meet by Idiot Pilot. So all around an excellent selection of music. I also found an old burned CD of Dave Matthews Band from what, Junior year of highschool? It was kind of interesting to relisten to that CD. I was never /huge/ into DMB, but I took Steve's word that they were awesome and I really liked a few of their songs.
So... yeah. I am semi-excited for this new Thursday Night College-Kid Prayer Meeting starting up. Not because I think that it will start revival and usher in the apocalypse or anything, though it might. My reasons are simply that it'll be nice to do something involved in the parish's life. I'm sure the Tuesday Night is still kicking, but I'm not sure that I would fit in as well there. I mean, after two years gone and all. Plus: part of me would rather just move on. Newer things and all.
I have had the wierdest dreams this past week or so, the kind that mess you up on the inside. My sleep troubles have started so appear somewhat minorly again, but hopefully nothing big.
"fght ff yr dmns"
-L
I stayed the night at Josh Madore's grandmother-in-law (it is too a word)'s house. It was just a place to crash, but I was very grateful to not have to pay for a hotel room. I really do enjoy driving to Steubenville and back by myself. I just turn up whatever music I want to pretty loud and often sing along quite loudly too. It is a very pleasurable ride for me. The CDs of choice this time were: Deadbeat Sweetheartbeat by the Juliana Theory (one of my favorite CDs of all time), Louder Now by Taking Back Sunday (Not as good as Where You Want To Me, "IMO"), The Earth is Not a Cold, Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky (Excellent CD) and Strange That We Should Meet by Idiot Pilot. So all around an excellent selection of music. I also found an old burned CD of Dave Matthews Band from what, Junior year of highschool? It was kind of interesting to relisten to that CD. I was never /huge/ into DMB, but I took Steve's word that they were awesome and I really liked a few of their songs.
So... yeah. I am semi-excited for this new Thursday Night College-Kid Prayer Meeting starting up. Not because I think that it will start revival and usher in the apocalypse or anything, though it might. My reasons are simply that it'll be nice to do something involved in the parish's life. I'm sure the Tuesday Night is still kicking, but I'm not sure that I would fit in as well there. I mean, after two years gone and all. Plus: part of me would rather just move on. Newer things and all.
I have had the wierdest dreams this past week or so, the kind that mess you up on the inside. My sleep troubles have started so appear somewhat minorly again, but hopefully nothing big.
"fght ff yr dmns"
-L
Friday, May 19, 2006
Though I am breaking a vow by posting this...
I just thought it was so very applicable. I mean, everyone says "Luke Skywalker, of course!", but Obi Wan just seems more my type. Although I /was/ at one point dating my sister... Anyways, I just wish they had found a nice Alec Guiness picture. Ewan McGreggor is an axellent actor, but couldn't top the Sir.
Your results:
You are Obi-Wan Kenobi
(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)
Click here to take the "Which Star Wars character am I?" quiz...
Your results:
You are Obi-Wan Kenobi
| You are civilized, calm, and have a good sense of humor, even when those around you don't. You can hold your own in a fight, but prefer it when things don't get too exciting.  |
Click here to take the "Which Star Wars character am I?" quiz...
Thursday, May 18, 2006
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again"
So. I worked today. I've been working every day of the week since Tuesday. It hurts sometimes and makes me tired, but my body/sleep schedule is adjusting well. And the hurting is a good kind of hurt. So that's why I'm scarce. I am /so/ busy.It is my mom's birthday today. We went to 5PM Mass, 15min of adoration then Sabor Latino (an excellent Mexican restaurant) for dinner with Reez. Then all three of us went to see "She's the Man" at the cheap theatre. Only $1.50/ticket. Very excellent movie. Very funny, very well-acted/well-made. The guy who played Sebastian (as opposed to the girl who played him) was pretty hott.
I'm going down to Steubenville for Jeremy Dean's wedding on Saturday. It will be my first wedding attended as a consentual adult. It will be a fun chance to see the brothers and sisters again. Good times. I am so tired. I will go to bed now. I feel stressed and tired, but my soul is at peace.
"And I want life in every word"
-L
I'm going down to Steubenville for Jeremy Dean's wedding on Saturday. It will be my first wedding attended as a consentual adult. It will be a fun chance to see the brothers and sisters again. Good times. I am so tired. I will go to bed now. I feel stressed and tired, but my soul is at peace.
"And I want life in every word"
-L
Monday, May 15, 2006
Put your life on hold as we interest one another...
So, I got a job today. Mike Sauter and I were talking about jobs last night and it turned out that we were both intending to apply for the same landscaping job. I asked if I could get a ride to the place in the morning with him. We figured we'd just go, fill out applications and go home. Instead, the guy decided to interview us right then, then hired us. It was pretty awesome. So I'm working with Mike probably at least 8 hours a day, 6 days a week at $8/hour, untaxed. That's the grace of God right there.
This looks like a really good job too. The guy had a sense of humor, indicated that we should acquire one if we were running low and had a very good understanding of who he was hiring. He knew that he was hiring college students for the summer, that we knew nothing about landscaping and that this wasn't a career for either of us. His emphasis was on professionalism and honesty, so I doubt we'll be working with any deadbeats or druggies. So I'm having really good feelings about this job. Praise God.
I got to confession today, it had been almost a month due to finals and all. It was Fr. Victor, who is very good and pastoral, but not exactly a swift confessor. I was fifth in the line. I waited in line for an hour and fifteen minutes, then had a fifteen minute confession. I woke up this morning feeling lonely again, but things are looking better now. It is /all/ in God's hands.What could we do to merit so great a Savior? Nothing. We deserve that our every relationship would be dominated by the anger, jealousy, lust and selfishness that comes so easily to us. Instead, Christ showers our lives with mercy and salvation. He gives us the undeserved grace to actually love one another. And while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. We do not deserve that love, nor do we often repay it even as best we can. How great is our God, who sent us so mighty a Redeemer!
"I remember when it poured and you sang to me in summer..."
-L
This looks like a really good job too. The guy had a sense of humor, indicated that we should acquire one if we were running low and had a very good understanding of who he was hiring. He knew that he was hiring college students for the summer, that we knew nothing about landscaping and that this wasn't a career for either of us. His emphasis was on professionalism and honesty, so I doubt we'll be working with any deadbeats or druggies. So I'm having really good feelings about this job. Praise God.
I got to confession today, it had been almost a month due to finals and all. It was Fr. Victor, who is very good and pastoral, but not exactly a swift confessor. I was fifth in the line. I waited in line for an hour and fifteen minutes, then had a fifteen minute confession. I woke up this morning feeling lonely again, but things are looking better now. It is /all/ in God's hands.What could we do to merit so great a Savior? Nothing. We deserve that our every relationship would be dominated by the anger, jealousy, lust and selfishness that comes so easily to us. Instead, Christ showers our lives with mercy and salvation. He gives us the undeserved grace to actually love one another. And while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. We do not deserve that love, nor do we often repay it even as best we can. How great is our God, who sent us so mighty a Redeemer!
"I remember when it poured and you sang to me in summer..."
-L
Friday, May 12, 2006
If I should awake to find you're only in my mind, I would sleep forever, just to make you mine...
My first night home, I had the happiest dream I think I've ever had. It wasn't until I woke up that it became the saddest dream I've ever had.
So. I've only been home for a few days. Everyone keeps asking me what I've done and what I plan on doing. The answer is pretty much "nothing" to both questions. Currently, I am just floating through life.
I got a awesome belt today. When my mom was in Florida looking through my late grandfather's stuff, she found this belt of his with a huge brass buckle engraved with an H. I will post pictures of it on Facebook.
I have been spending my time:
1) Listening to music
2) Downloading music
3) Trying to track down obscure CDs released by bands that my highschool friends were in in 2002
4) Giving blood
5) Picking up my mom from the airport
-L
So. I've only been home for a few days. Everyone keeps asking me what I've done and what I plan on doing. The answer is pretty much "nothing" to both questions. Currently, I am just floating through life.
I got a awesome belt today. When my mom was in Florida looking through my late grandfather's stuff, she found this belt of his with a huge brass buckle engraved with an H. I will post pictures of it on Facebook.
I have been spending my time:
1) Listening to music
2) Downloading music
3) Trying to track down obscure CDs released by bands that my highschool friends were in in 2002
4) Giving blood
5) Picking up my mom from the airport
-L
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Should've been better to you, should've given all of myself...
So! My last two finals report!
1) Last night I took my Mariology final. Probably my hardest one, not because it was difficult once I'd studied but because it is generally somewhat difficult to make myself study. I was a paragon of academics, however, and probably studied about three hours for it. So I get there and the first question is: explain the relationship between the Holy Spirit and Mary in Kolbe's Mariology. That was a pretty easy one, he /is/ our household saint after all. It was about a three-pager. The next one was: explain the criteria that the Church uses in investigating Marian private apparitions and summarize Our Lady's message to the world today using Lourdes, Fatima and other contemporary apparitions. So pretty much: tell me everything you know about the modern apparitions and their message! I knew that this was going to be on the final, so I had studied well. It took up about 5-7 pages in my notebook though... and I knew most of that! So needless to say, I ended up filling one and a half bluebooks. I was the fourth-to-last person to leave (which is unusual) and took nearly all two hours to complete the exam. I think that I did pretty well on it though, and luckily the format of his tests made me actually learn the material. It feels pretty nice to actually know the stuff seeing as the desire to learn was the reason that I took that class (for once).
2) This morning I had my Logic exam. It was my easiest exam. I studied about a half hour right before it. I was done in a half hour, and there was only one question that I didn't know, and two that I made educated guesses on. So I figure I'm all set.
3) I got my Epistemology grade in already. I got an A in the class. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to get nearly that in Adjustment.Next item of business! I watched Shawn of the Dead with Mr. Tumnus last night. It is a zombie-movie spoof, for those who are unacquainted. It it had been American, it would have been trashy and vulgar (Americans have forgotten how to make non-trashy comedy). Because it was British, it was pretty clever most of the time and had a variety of very good moments! Of course, being a zombie movie still (spoof or not), it was kind of bloody. But at least they didn't try to play the blood and gore for laughs like those darn Americans would have!
The whole day today has been spent (since 8AM) either taking my final or cleaning/packing my room. I'm still not done and Dad is arriving at 3:30PM (I get off work at 3PM). I pretty much just need the extra duffle-bags that he is bringing anyways. So yeah. I feel kind of dusty. If you're reading this then either I miss you already, or I'll see you soon.
Hesychia,
-L
1) Last night I took my Mariology final. Probably my hardest one, not because it was difficult once I'd studied but because it is generally somewhat difficult to make myself study. I was a paragon of academics, however, and probably studied about three hours for it. So I get there and the first question is: explain the relationship between the Holy Spirit and Mary in Kolbe's Mariology. That was a pretty easy one, he /is/ our household saint after all. It was about a three-pager. The next one was: explain the criteria that the Church uses in investigating Marian private apparitions and summarize Our Lady's message to the world today using Lourdes, Fatima and other contemporary apparitions. So pretty much: tell me everything you know about the modern apparitions and their message! I knew that this was going to be on the final, so I had studied well. It took up about 5-7 pages in my notebook though... and I knew most of that! So needless to say, I ended up filling one and a half bluebooks. I was the fourth-to-last person to leave (which is unusual) and took nearly all two hours to complete the exam. I think that I did pretty well on it though, and luckily the format of his tests made me actually learn the material. It feels pretty nice to actually know the stuff seeing as the desire to learn was the reason that I took that class (for once).
2) This morning I had my Logic exam. It was my easiest exam. I studied about a half hour right before it. I was done in a half hour, and there was only one question that I didn't know, and two that I made educated guesses on. So I figure I'm all set.
3) I got my Epistemology grade in already. I got an A in the class. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to get nearly that in Adjustment.Next item of business! I watched Shawn of the Dead with Mr. Tumnus last night. It is a zombie-movie spoof, for those who are unacquainted. It it had been American, it would have been trashy and vulgar (Americans have forgotten how to make non-trashy comedy). Because it was British, it was pretty clever most of the time and had a variety of very good moments! Of course, being a zombie movie still (spoof or not), it was kind of bloody. But at least they didn't try to play the blood and gore for laughs like those darn Americans would have!
The whole day today has been spent (since 8AM) either taking my final or cleaning/packing my room. I'm still not done and Dad is arriving at 3:30PM (I get off work at 3PM). I pretty much just need the extra duffle-bags that he is bringing anyways. So yeah. I feel kind of dusty. If you're reading this then either I miss you already, or I'll see you soon.
Hesychia,
-L
Monday, May 8, 2006
"Jerusalem, if I forget you..."
Just a short "finals update". The epistemology final was pretty easy. A pick-two-of-three essay exam. I almost filled one bluebook. It was the kind of exam that I could have satisfactorily answered orally in five minutes, but had to take an hour to write out (to the dismay of my hand). I feel pretty confident that I did well on it though.
Any time you see me, feel free to ask me to define concept and essence, and explain how they relate to tautologies and synthetic a priori truths. You may also ask me to prove the validity of insight as a source of knowledge, using Von Hildebrandian epistemology. Unless it looks like I'm busy, or just plain not in the mood. In which case: interrogation privilages REVOKED!
-L
Any time you see me, feel free to ask me to define concept and essence, and explain how they relate to tautologies and synthetic a priori truths. You may also ask me to prove the validity of insight as a source of knowledge, using Von Hildebrandian epistemology. Unless it looks like I'm busy, or just plain not in the mood. In which case: interrogation privilages REVOKED!
-L
I swear that all I ever(x8) believed in was all of us together all along/alone
It has been brought to my attention several times that I have not posted an entry in over a week. This serves as a sufficient motivator to talk about the past week, which has been pretty easygoing.
My last few classes were review for the most part and no one assigns homework this late in the semester. So it was pretty much a matter of simply showing up and sitting. I have not had to start studying for finals until now, so my week has not been at all dominated by schoolwork. Instead, it has been that magical week where most people don't have to study quite yet and are quite willing to stay up until all hours with you because they don't have class the next day and anyways: in just one week, I won't see you again for three months.
So, here begins the litany:
1) Tuesday night, from around 2AM to 4:30AM, was spent walking around/sitting around the campus with Ms. Fogarty just chillaxing/taking pictures/talking with Dave Rydberg.
2) Wednesday night from about 2AM to 4:30AM was spent hanging in the courtyard gazebo with Double-D, Ms. Fogarty, Elizabeth McMillan and Krempelor (Lord of Glaxon). I was actually the first to go to bed that night and Dan stayed up until 8AM (because the next day was Reading Day).
3) Thursday evening was Senior Honoring. We went to Imperial China Buffet (which is good eatin'!). My date was Brigid Prosser, who was my prayer-partner this semester, and is one of the chillest sisters around. We sat at a table with Mr. Tumnus and his "Friend" (since reinstated). A good time was had by all. Thursday night from about midnight to 3AM was spent chilling in Pinne's room, spending some good Soul-Mate time together.
4) Friday, after Household Life Mass (held in CTK chapel, 1,000 people in a tunacan with a fire-code limit of 300) I went to Linda Tran (another rockin' sister)'s house for a CTL/SOL bonfire. There were only about 15 people there, but it was good times. For most of the semester, my sisters have been kind of awkward around me, which has been really sad. But, this week at least, things really got better. I have hopes that maybe next semester things can be back to "normal". Walking back from the bonfire with Odin, I was possessed by a spirit of Whistling-A-Lot that hasn't been around for a while. That was a lot of fun. When I got back to the dorm, I saw Courtney and Tumnus watching a movie in the gazebo. I stole one of Mark's/my cigarillos while he slept and smoked it while watching "Life as a House" with them. That was a good time as well, even if Thomas did leave Courtney and I alone for the sketchiest part of the movie (it was a bonding experience).
5) Saturday I played about 4 hours of Halo. Good times killing friends. That night, I didn't feel like going to the FOP, and I'm past the point where I feel like I have to fake wanting to go, so I stayed in my room. I was planning on going to the foreign film playing in Anathan (some comedy about a Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship?) but ended up waiting for a phone call. Or, rather, talking for four hours with Zaza, MattMac and Dan Taibi about: school, philosophy, the state of youth groups, the state of the church, various paths to God, the state of the Liturgy and Vatican II.
6) On Sunday, I went out to brunch after Mass with Krakows and his friends from home. That was a blast. They were cool kids and I got totally wired on coffee. After that, I played a goodly amount of Halo (off and on throughout the day) up until the point when Mike came to find me for Men's Group. He had the privilege of hearing Big Al (the Prethe) cuss me out as I slaughtered him the last five times.
7) That brings us to today. I have a final at 6PM (I will post afterwards how it went). I have just kind of started studying, so I need to get cracking. It shouldn't be too hard though. I aced the midterm with only about 15 minutes. I hope Harold brings coffee though! I feel like getting buzzed.
Ross brings up an interesting point in his latest post. It is definitely one that I can empathize with. In it, he says that he often finds himself wondering if he doesn't spent too much time listening to music, even "spiritually positive" music. That is something that I often think about as well. It is part of why I give up listening to music for Lent, just for those 40 Days of cleansing and silence before the Lord. And generally, by the time Lent rolls around, I am ready for some silence. At times, music can be /so/ present in my life that it almost does become simply noise (at which point, ironically enough, I start hankering for the more noise-influenced/atonal/ambient "music"). Every new band (at least off of Tooth and Nail, but also in general) that someone introduces me to is merely "Deja Entendu", no matter how skilled. I definitely find myself needing periods of aural catharsis and cleansing, not /through/ music but through its absence. This past week, I have been very much enjoying the epic/ambient, bombastic/subtle, crashing/quiet post-rock of such as Explosions in the Sky, Godspeed You! Black Emperor and A Silver Mt. Zion. They fit very well with my artsy/anarchist sensibilities that have been resurfacing this past week/week-and-a-half. Currently I have one of ASMZ's songs stuck in my head, and will be listening to it while studying in my room in approx. 10 minutes when I get off of work. So, in short: I love music. Too much can really wear me down sometimes.
"And as we staggered towards a frightening dawn..."
-L
My last few classes were review for the most part and no one assigns homework this late in the semester. So it was pretty much a matter of simply showing up and sitting. I have not had to start studying for finals until now, so my week has not been at all dominated by schoolwork. Instead, it has been that magical week where most people don't have to study quite yet and are quite willing to stay up until all hours with you because they don't have class the next day and anyways: in just one week, I won't see you again for three months.
So, here begins the litany:
1) Tuesday night, from around 2AM to 4:30AM, was spent walking around/sitting around the campus with Ms. Fogarty just chillaxing/taking pictures/talking with Dave Rydberg.
2) Wednesday night from about 2AM to 4:30AM was spent hanging in the courtyard gazebo with Double-D, Ms. Fogarty, Elizabeth McMillan and Krempelor (Lord of Glaxon). I was actually the first to go to bed that night and Dan stayed up until 8AM (because the next day was Reading Day).
3) Thursday evening was Senior Honoring. We went to Imperial China Buffet (which is good eatin'!). My date was Brigid Prosser, who was my prayer-partner this semester, and is one of the chillest sisters around. We sat at a table with Mr. Tumnus and his "Friend" (since reinstated). A good time was had by all. Thursday night from about midnight to 3AM was spent chilling in Pinne's room, spending some good Soul-Mate time together.
4) Friday, after Household Life Mass (held in CTK chapel, 1,000 people in a tunacan with a fire-code limit of 300) I went to Linda Tran (another rockin' sister)'s house for a CTL/SOL bonfire. There were only about 15 people there, but it was good times. For most of the semester, my sisters have been kind of awkward around me, which has been really sad. But, this week at least, things really got better. I have hopes that maybe next semester things can be back to "normal". Walking back from the bonfire with Odin, I was possessed by a spirit of Whistling-A-Lot that hasn't been around for a while. That was a lot of fun. When I got back to the dorm, I saw Courtney and Tumnus watching a movie in the gazebo. I stole one of Mark's/my cigarillos while he slept and smoked it while watching "Life as a House" with them. That was a good time as well, even if Thomas did leave Courtney and I alone for the sketchiest part of the movie (it was a bonding experience).
5) Saturday I played about 4 hours of Halo. Good times killing friends. That night, I didn't feel like going to the FOP, and I'm past the point where I feel like I have to fake wanting to go, so I stayed in my room. I was planning on going to the foreign film playing in Anathan (some comedy about a Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship?) but ended up waiting for a phone call. Or, rather, talking for four hours with Zaza, MattMac and Dan Taibi about: school, philosophy, the state of youth groups, the state of the church, various paths to God, the state of the Liturgy and Vatican II.
6) On Sunday, I went out to brunch after Mass with Krakows and his friends from home. That was a blast. They were cool kids and I got totally wired on coffee. After that, I played a goodly amount of Halo (off and on throughout the day) up until the point when Mike came to find me for Men's Group. He had the privilege of hearing Big Al (the Prethe) cuss me out as I slaughtered him the last five times.
7) That brings us to today. I have a final at 6PM (I will post afterwards how it went). I have just kind of started studying, so I need to get cracking. It shouldn't be too hard though. I aced the midterm with only about 15 minutes. I hope Harold brings coffee though! I feel like getting buzzed.
Ross brings up an interesting point in his latest post. It is definitely one that I can empathize with. In it, he says that he often finds himself wondering if he doesn't spent too much time listening to music, even "spiritually positive" music. That is something that I often think about as well. It is part of why I give up listening to music for Lent, just for those 40 Days of cleansing and silence before the Lord. And generally, by the time Lent rolls around, I am ready for some silence. At times, music can be /so/ present in my life that it almost does become simply noise (at which point, ironically enough, I start hankering for the more noise-influenced/atonal/ambient "music"). Every new band (at least off of Tooth and Nail, but also in general) that someone introduces me to is merely "Deja Entendu", no matter how skilled. I definitely find myself needing periods of aural catharsis and cleansing, not /through/ music but through its absence. This past week, I have been very much enjoying the epic/ambient, bombastic/subtle, crashing/quiet post-rock of such as Explosions in the Sky, Godspeed You! Black Emperor and A Silver Mt. Zion. They fit very well with my artsy/anarchist sensibilities that have been resurfacing this past week/week-and-a-half. Currently I have one of ASMZ's songs stuck in my head, and will be listening to it while studying in my room in approx. 10 minutes when I get off of work. So, in short: I love music. Too much can really wear me down sometimes.
"And as we staggered towards a frightening dawn..."
-L
Monday, May 1, 2006
"What good is saying goodbye, now that you're gone?"
I realized that I forgot a potentially interesting material point in my previous update! I played in a schoolwide dodgeball tournament on Sunday. Despite a fair amount of advertising, only about six teams of six players showed up. It was good fun though. I was going to play on Ms. Fogarty's team, but CTL lost two people last-minute so I had to switch loyalties. Luckily they managed to find a sub for me or I would have felt bad. So my team, the Famous Seventeen, won two games and lost three. We didn't win the tourney, but a Trinity team (the Bees) did. So we're solid there. I hear they kicked the pants off of the Brothers' team, who were pretty-much all talk anyways. During our warmup, I threw the ball pretty hard and popped my shoulder, so that muscle is a little sore now.
This afternoon my Adjustment group had our final "class"/party (an assignment, I swear!). We pretty much went to Damon's and ate cheese-sticks. Oh, and traded our little "affirmation letters". It was pretty fun, not by the nature of the thing but more because the kids in the group are pretty cool, and I actually connected pretty well with most of them. The group is not /nearly/ as awkward as they were at the beginning of the semester.
So tonight I skipped my review nightclass and went to the Playwriting/Acting/Directing Scene-Night. That was pretty good, even if I could only stay for two hours of it. Some good material. They're thinking of doing it once a semester, which would be nice. Home stretch now... I don't really have anything to do before my first final on Monday night.
Hesychia,
-L
This afternoon my Adjustment group had our final "class"/party (an assignment, I swear!). We pretty much went to Damon's and ate cheese-sticks. Oh, and traded our little "affirmation letters". It was pretty fun, not by the nature of the thing but more because the kids in the group are pretty cool, and I actually connected pretty well with most of them. The group is not /nearly/ as awkward as they were at the beginning of the semester.
So tonight I skipped my review nightclass and went to the Playwriting/Acting/Directing Scene-Night. That was pretty good, even if I could only stay for two hours of it. Some good material. They're thinking of doing it once a semester, which would be nice. Home stretch now... I don't really have anything to do before my first final on Monday night.
Hesychia,
-L
"Please, please be what I need! Because I've been wrong before..."
So I guess thus ends the shittiest week I've had in about a year, which came as the crowning glory of the worst two or three weeks I've had in about as long. The short-form is: loneliness, betrayal, hurt, resolution, and then more pain that I guess I deserved. I don't really feel like dwelling on it anymore though, and most things have come to resolution, or at least to a end. As I've said, "moving on doesn't always involve closure". At least not for a while sometimes. I believe in the grace of God though, and I can wait for His timing. I know that it is only in seeing the Beatific Vision that anyone will actually see and understand another person. For now, however, let's focus on the bright side of life.
This past week has been a great week of brotherhood. It has been really crappy emotionally, but my household brothers have really been there for me with a ready ear, good advice or just plain hanging out and distracting me with good times. I have also suddenly metamorphed from someone who is decent at Halo to someone who is pretty darn okay at Halo. Channeling my angst into bringing the pwnage has been cathartic. I'm really excited for the summer, because so many of us live in the close area. Mr. Tumnus, Krakows and potentially Das Mueller and Odin are planning on going up to Canada to visit Pinne for a day/weekend. That should be a good time.Also, I went on Fiat's (Fiat Santa Familiae, a girl's household) "Datenight". Essentially what it was is this: two of their girls planned out the whole thing, including getting dates for the girls who were going. So it was like one massive blind-date for most everyone involved. And since Houde is dating Sarah Heidelbaugh, they asked him if he knew any guys who might be interested. And so five CTL guys ended up going on the datenight. That made it awesome because any situation where you have a bunch of guys who don't know each other gets awkward, so it was nice to be going with brothers. Tumnus and Nate had a bit of an awkward time, Nate because his date wouldn't talk to him and Tumnus because he made it that way for himself (his date was actually fairly social/coo). I, however, had a blast. My date was this Junior Nursing Major, whom I had never met before, named Jill. She was not awkward at all, and we had a great time.
The night itself involved going to this Christian Farm Camp Thing. Some of the townies knew the guy "Uncle Bill" who ran it, so they got a good deal for a private thingie. First thing that we did was go on a longish hay-ride around their property (which was really big). That was pretty fun because me and Mr. Tumnus sat next to each other and goofed off most of the time. We pretty much had a telling-embarrassing-stories party, which was good times. I told the Kindergarten Tae Kwon Do story and the Spring Hill Speedo story and Mr. Tumnus rocked the Stealing the Wolfdog/Bootcamp story. Our dates had themselves a good laugh at our antics and were not awkward about participating in the revelries. Next we did barn-dancing. Now, those that know me know that I am not a country boy (despite dreams of being an emo cowboy when I was little). You may also know that I am not at all much of a dancer. So it may surprise you to hear that it was actually a lot of fun. "Uncle Bill" is a certified Square-Dance Caller, so he ran the thing for us with the aid of a small-record player (for real). It ended up being a really good time, and I have decided that I quite like dances where you are told what to do. I am in one accord with Ioe on this one. After the dance, we had a large bonfire with s'mores. It had been a while since I had one of those. Tumnus and Nate went home early after this, and missed out. We played a fun game called "I Have Never" and those what could play guitar played us some songs. At the end, there was some drama because of lost keys, but that was eventually sorted out. All in all, it was a blast, and just what I needed to get my mind off of things that, as much as I would like to resolve them now, I will probably simply have to wait out.
I'm sorry that things didn't work out the way that we both hoped they would.
-L
This past week has been a great week of brotherhood. It has been really crappy emotionally, but my household brothers have really been there for me with a ready ear, good advice or just plain hanging out and distracting me with good times. I have also suddenly metamorphed from someone who is decent at Halo to someone who is pretty darn okay at Halo. Channeling my angst into bringing the pwnage has been cathartic. I'm really excited for the summer, because so many of us live in the close area. Mr. Tumnus, Krakows and potentially Das Mueller and Odin are planning on going up to Canada to visit Pinne for a day/weekend. That should be a good time.Also, I went on Fiat's (Fiat Santa Familiae, a girl's household) "Datenight". Essentially what it was is this: two of their girls planned out the whole thing, including getting dates for the girls who were going. So it was like one massive blind-date for most everyone involved. And since Houde is dating Sarah Heidelbaugh, they asked him if he knew any guys who might be interested. And so five CTL guys ended up going on the datenight. That made it awesome because any situation where you have a bunch of guys who don't know each other gets awkward, so it was nice to be going with brothers. Tumnus and Nate had a bit of an awkward time, Nate because his date wouldn't talk to him and Tumnus because he made it that way for himself (his date was actually fairly social/coo). I, however, had a blast. My date was this Junior Nursing Major, whom I had never met before, named Jill. She was not awkward at all, and we had a great time.
The night itself involved going to this Christian Farm Camp Thing. Some of the townies knew the guy "Uncle Bill" who ran it, so they got a good deal for a private thingie. First thing that we did was go on a longish hay-ride around their property (which was really big). That was pretty fun because me and Mr. Tumnus sat next to each other and goofed off most of the time. We pretty much had a telling-embarrassing-stories party, which was good times. I told the Kindergarten Tae Kwon Do story and the Spring Hill Speedo story and Mr. Tumnus rocked the Stealing the Wolfdog/Bootcamp story. Our dates had themselves a good laugh at our antics and were not awkward about participating in the revelries. Next we did barn-dancing. Now, those that know me know that I am not a country boy (despite dreams of being an emo cowboy when I was little). You may also know that I am not at all much of a dancer. So it may surprise you to hear that it was actually a lot of fun. "Uncle Bill" is a certified Square-Dance Caller, so he ran the thing for us with the aid of a small-record player (for real). It ended up being a really good time, and I have decided that I quite like dances where you are told what to do. I am in one accord with Ioe on this one. After the dance, we had a large bonfire with s'mores. It had been a while since I had one of those. Tumnus and Nate went home early after this, and missed out. We played a fun game called "I Have Never" and those what could play guitar played us some songs. At the end, there was some drama because of lost keys, but that was eventually sorted out. All in all, it was a blast, and just what I needed to get my mind off of things that, as much as I would like to resolve them now, I will probably simply have to wait out.
I'm sorry that things didn't work out the way that we both hoped they would.
-L
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